Benny Hinn

Who wants to get slain in the spirit? Benny Hinn is ready to take some mofo's OUT.

Chapelle's show - Niggar Family

I'm in the Chappelle show mood...

K-Rock

I want this shirt

There are times when you see something that just screams "Vanblogger" and this shirt was it. I want one. Not because I'm morbidly obese like this man, but just because it kicks ass.

Homer

Apache Kills in Iraq

WOW!

Apache

In case you forgot. -VG

Rick James

For K-Rock - VG

Come and get it ladies!!!

Knowing all you ladies like I do, I just gotta ask, what would it take to get with Micky Rourke now-a-days? Roofies? A gallon of whiskey? A gun to the head of a family member?

I know that you need to let your plastic surgery relax before making any final determinations, but I'd say that Rourke should really consider suicide before he goes under the knife again, for our sake if not his.

Homer

Prince - Musicology

Again I pose the question. Who is going to make the weekend trip the Rio in Las Vegas with me?

Charlie Murphy

I'm sure all of you have seen this before,but its comedy gold. -VG

Clip Time

There's several on this clip, enjoy!

A Christmas Pot O' Gold

For those of you who haven't seen VH1's show Web Junk, it is a weekly top 10 of the best viral videos on the web. I've seen many a great vid on this show. Well, they had their best 40 in 2006 show, and you can go online to see all of the videos. I don't want to spend the time posting all of the best ones on the blogger, so feel free to peruse the selections at this website:

http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/webjunk_20/series.jhtml

Perhaps I'll post a really funny one to whet your appetite...

K-Rock

SLADE - MERRY XMAS EVERYBODY

In the true spirit of the season, drunken pub yells and a heaping helping of glam.

If you don't like this, then I don't like you.

-=Nay

Honda Commercial

I love kinetic things like this. They did this commercial without any CGI. The part with the tires was trippy but I read a thing on Snopes that explained that the tired were weighted. Enjoy.

Sherwood does Full House

I have no idea who this band is or what they sound like, but I love them for this.

-=Nay

Deal with Satan

I know that it would be easy for many of you to mis-read this title as Santa, but really this is going to take more than just shaking hands with a fat, jolly guy. I saw today that David Spade (above) is still dating Heather Locklear. I just wanted to know what kind of deal he had to make with the devil to cloud Heather's mind and vision like this. I know he's funny, and women like that, but he also looks like he drives a van that is upholstered in maroon shag carpeting and mail-orders girls underwear from Japan. There is no earthly reason for Dave to pull this. None, and I don't want to hear about his money either, she could buy and sell him like the little troll he is. It is just another one of those Southern California mysteries (like the one where Alex Van Halen hasn't kicked his brother's ass into next week).

Homer

For the Sista's

Alright my friends as I look at this blog page I see a lot of half dress beautiful women for the boys to enjoy. However there is not much for us ladies to look at. I received and email from a friend today and thought it was perfect to post for our viewing delight. Here it is, enjoy!
Merry Christmas! Snippy

How gay are you?

After watching themo's video, I had to go find this quiz, just to see if my percentage had increased. Take it, it's fun and informative. Just to assuage my heterosexuality, here is a picture of Kate.

Here's the link.

I just remember themo didn't like her number last time. Homer found it intriguing in some fashion...

Homer

Mr. T - Treat Your Mother Right

"Yo mamma" jokes just got REAL unfunny.

So did short camoflauge shorts.

It's just a matter of time

Before we start reading stories about people being called to Matt and Angelina's hotel room because it sounds like a wounded animal is dying, only to learn that those noises are just Angelina's love sounds. It's kind of like that scene in Porky's. I love the part in the article where they talk about their significant other's trust. That's a good one. Angelina should be trusted around eunuchs and people who have lost their ability to procreate in strange industrial accidents only. Enjoy the article:

Matt Damon has branded his love scenes with Angelina Jolie "weird".

Damon, who is close friends with Jolie's lover Brad Pitt, has admitted he found it difficult filming the steamy scenes.

He told US TV show 'Good Morning America': "Doing a love scene with the girlfriend of a good friend is weird. We all know each other."

Jolie, 31, revealed Pitt supported their scenes and even wished them luck.

She added to the program: "In reality both the people we're involved with couldn't have cared less about that because they know us. It's one of those things where it's like the least threatening person. You know, 'Good luck to you guys, I hope it's not too awkward.'

She added: "The difference between kissing Matt and kissing Brad is simple. One's a friend and one's my lover."

While Jolie was happy to kiss her lover's friend, she found it harder to play a character who was her complete opposite in real life.

She said: "I realized early on this was going to be the film where I am the weak victim."

Damon added: "In one scene she had to act so apologetic and just so unlike Angie."

In the film, Damon plays one of the first CIA spies and Jolie portrays his wife who is left crushed by his lies.

Fruity!

Satisfied with the way your body looks? Well stop lying to yourself and join Care Bear and VG in a January to Remember. For the whole month of January you can eat nothing but 1) Fruits, 2) Vegetables, 3) Chicken. This will also be accompanied by some evening hours physical activity.

I know this sounds rad so sign up now or be lame. Your choice, really.

-=Care Bear

Information I could have lived without...

Normally I find that the predilections of the famous are amusing and laughable, but this little nugget from the Howard Stern show is more than a little disturbing. He had Martha Stewart on the other day and here is a report of what she said:

Martha Stewart has a wild side. The TV queen made a guest appearance on the Howard Stern show last week, where she admitted to some juicy details about her personal life. Stern got the famous home decorator to admit she owns and uses a vibrator, called the Thumper.

Wow Miss Martha! She also said when she was in prison last year other girls would try and get her into some lesbian action, which she always declined.

I needed that mental image like I need my brain taken out of my head with a rusty hook. Look, whatever floats your boat, but now I have to ask questions like "What does this thing do to be called 'The Thumper'?" "Would that have been effective in her proposed dalliances?" or even "How powerful would it have to be to get Martha off?"

See, it just isn't pleasant is it?

Homer

DAMN DNA!!!

This story is just the kind of thing that we would have seen more if the Cold War hadn't ended before the genetics explosion seen on CSI Miami.

Homer

Indian woman runner fails gender test

Soundarajan won silver medal in 800 at Asian Games

The Associated Press

Updated: 5:15 p.m. MT Dec 18, 2006

NEW DELHI, India - An Indian runner who won a silver medal in the women’s 800 meters at the Asian Games failed a gender test and was stripped of the medal.

Santhi Soundarajan, 25, took the gender test in Doha, Qatar, after placing second.

The Indian Olympic Association said Monday it has been told by the Olympic Council of Asia that the 25-year-old runner was disqualified.

“IOA has asked the Athletic Federation of India to return the medal as desired by the Olympic Council of Asia,” the Indian Olympic group said.

The IOA also asked its medical commission to inquire into Soundarajan’s case and report within 10 days.

There are no compulsory gender tests during events sanctioned by the International Association of Athletics Federations, but athletes may be asked to take a gender test. The medical evaluation panel usually includes a gynecologist, endocrinologist, psychologist and internal medicine specialist.

An Indian athletics official who spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to the media said Soundarajan almost certainly never had sex-change surgery.

Instead, the official said Soundarajan appeared to have “abnormal chromosomes.” The official also said the test revealed more Y chromosomes than allowed.

Soundarajan was not immediately available for comment.

© 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16258993/

USA! USA! USA!

So this Miss USA thing has been very interesting to me. For those who don't know she is about to be stripped of her title for drinking, drugging, and whoring it up. If you look around the cultural landscape of America today, don't these activities make her the American ideal? I mean, just look at who we celebrate in our society and Ms. Conner is right there with them.

Oh, and she will be fired by that paragon of morals himself, Donald Trump. At worst, this allowed us to get that pre/post-op freak off of the top of the Vanblogger.

Homer

Filthy Gorgeous

Yes, that's a guy. -themo

scissor sisters - laura

Especially for by big sis, but for everyone to enjoy! - themo

SNL - Digital Short - A Special Christmas Box *Uncensored Ve

For those of you who may have missed it on Saturday... Not as good as Lazy Sunday, but...

Beatallica - I want to choke your band

I know that I've played some of these songs for Care Bear, but damn it, this is some of the most clever cover songs that I have ever heard. It just kicks the crap out of Dread Zeppelin. Although the name Tortelvis is fantastic. Enjoy the clip. If you want to hear their songs go to www.beatallica.org. The songs are free. **Lyrics NSFW (or kids)***

Homer

The Cremation of Sam McGee

This has to be my favortie poem of all time. However, this guy creeps me out. In fact I think he is the same dude that was trapped behind his poo wall. I can almost smell his breath, a mix of coffee and scotch. Enjoy.

Rosie Ching Chong O'Donnell

This slant eye makes some great points. -VG

Jesco White on Sloppy Eggs

#3

#2

Y'all about to get a lesson in Jesco!

If you want more info on Jesco White, Mountain Dancer, just ask. -VG

natalie portman- a classic

It's been a while since I've seen this. Hilarious.

atomic situp

Why does this strike me as something VG and Care Bear would do?? -themo

Never Enough

There are never enough pictures of Teri Hatcher out there. She is the new Mary Tyler Moore. I mean really, at one time she was a good looking woman. If she had just dealt with aging like a normal person, no one would be mocking her like this. Where can I sign up to have my face jacked up like that? It would be cool because at some point her eyes are going to be looking in totally opposite directions. Amazing. Anyway, there are a lot more of these out there, I just didn't have the heart to scare you all with more.

Homer

What you don't see:

What is missing from this picture, and I assume it is because it is just out of the frame, is the last tendrils of Sharon's sanity trailing along like a couple of starving African orphans. You know, like the one that Madonna stole. Anyway, if Sharon looked any crazier, she would be living in a Gingerbread house getting ready to eat her adopted kids, until they banded together to throw her in the oven like that woman on Thanksgiving.

What is really sad is that her craziness is going to cost her a shot at shooting Basic Instinct 3 where she snorts menopause drugs off of some guy's crank and she can expose her graying pooter to the world again. And you know, somewhere out there the script is already written.

Homer

If you hate laughing, don't watch this

Do yourself a favor and watch this whole video.

For themo

Apparently, themo was not 100% thrilled with the three Kate Beckinsale pictures that I posted last week, here and on my other blog. So in the spirit of fairness, I thought I would try to make it up to her. Here are today's pictures of one of themo's favorites: Jason Statham.

Homer

Orlando Bloom=Gay

And no, not in a happy festive way. Maybe that is why he has dated women who are either scary ugly or so skinny they resemble teen-aged boys. I have always thought this was the case, but I saw some paparazzi film this weekend of Orlando showing up to Tom Cruise's reception in a yellow bug. Apparently that is really his car, and as we all know, no straight man drives a new pastel yellow Volkswagen Bug. Sorry to let themo know about this because she does love her some Legolas.

Homer

I'll see your crazy no-condom-wearing guy and raise you with poop in a bag guy

MAN TRAPPED 4 DAYS

By FRANK RYAN

December 10, 2006 -- Police and firefighters yesterday rescued a Long Island man who had been trapped in his bedroom for four days after piling up a 7-foot-high mountain made up of bags of his own feces, jars of urine and other debris.

An officer responded to Charles Ruoff's dilapidated home in Centerport around 3:30 a.m. after receiving an anonymous 911 call asking police to check up on the 64-year-old veteran who hadn't been seen in days.

As he explored the house, the cop heard Ruoff calling weakly from a second-floor bedroom where he had walled himself in with a mountain of his own filth. He said he had been trapped since Tuesday.

The Centerport Fire Department freed Ruoff using heavy rescue equipment.

Ruoff was taken to the Veterans Administration Hospital in Northport where he was treated for dehydration, hypothermia, bedsores and general weakness, Suffolk County Police Commissioner Richard Donner said.

Just wear the damn thing

I was about to write about a recent assault in Canada where a woman set her boyfriend's penis on fire while he slept, but this article about an assault in Cambodia trumped it for some reason. I've never been to a brothel, nor can I really understand the appeal of using a prostitute, but you know what? You shouldn't have to be told to wear a condom when you are visiting one. This poor son of a bitch just couldn't do it. Maybe he likes the feel of recently used hooch, maybe he likes the HIV, I don't know but he'll probably offer to put one on next time. He's a big spender, I can see that. Maybe that's why he's paying for sex.

Enjoy

Homer

Man stabbed after refusing to wear condom

Associated Press
Dec. 11, 2006 10:33 AM

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia - A Cambodian man has been stabbed by a sex worker in a brawl, after he refused her request to wear a condom, police said Friday.

Suon Da, 25, was knifed twice in the abdominal area by Sa Rida, a 24-year-old sex worker, during the fight at a brothel in Battambang province Wednesday, said Koam Roeuy, a deputy police chief from the area.

Koam Roeuy said Suon Da had paid Sa Rida $1.20 to have sex with her. But after Suon Da repeatedly refused to wear a condom, Sa Rida gave up and left the room.

Suon Da chased after her, demanding his money back and slapping the woman, Koam Roeuy said. Sa Rida responded by stabbing Suon Da in the stomach, he said.

"The woman was trying to prevent the transmission of diseases such as HIV," Koam Roeuy said. "But now it will be up to the court to decide her fate after she inflicted injuries on another person."

Sa Rida remains in police custody pending possible charges against her. Suon Da is being treated at a hospital in Battambang province, about 155 miles northwest of the capital Phnom Penh.

Cambodia has an HIV infection rate of 1.9 percent for people aged 15-49, among the highest in Southeast Asia.

Comprehensive education campaigns, including widespread condom use in brothels, has helped reduce the infection rate from 3 percent in 1997,

according to the Cambodian government.

She never stops posing!

Ok, I'm starting a celebrity car crash list. On the top of mine would have to be this ho. There is never a picture of her where she's not posing. I can't watch her sing. Yeah she has a great voice, but I can only enjoy it on the radio because I'm so distracted by her mugging for the camera. Who's on the top of your celebrity car crash?

So was it like a Seinfeld episode

when they had to clean that limo out? I mean the stench of skank had to be overpowering. Either that or they just burned it before the HAZMAT team was called in. On a serious note, what the f- is wrong with these people? It's bad enough these sisters each are STD-riddled filth, but then they feel the need to combine them? Nasty. These two make the Barbi twins look like a couple of nuns.

Really smart nuns.

Homer

Frankenshred - Clips of Doom

Themo was asking me when she saw the last clip when these were filmed, needless to say she was stunned to learn that these were taped in March of 06. This is a clip of their best work, if you really want a laugh, check out their Myspace site. K-Rock, these are funny because this group takes themselves so seriously, but they are obviously a horrible Spinal Tap-ish joke gone awry. As always, enjoy!

Homer

Frankenshred

I never wanted to be the person who would just crap all over someone's dream, but God these guys suck. I just thought CareBear and VG would want a little taste of what is to come in February. As bad as this is, the reality is even worse.

Homer

Finally, a place for the Vanilla Gorilla to be a King Cobra, or a Mamba, or something

So I'm just browsing the net, just hanging out and trying to find objectionable pictures of people to post here on the Vanblogger and I came across this wonderful little article. It allows nearly all men to feel superior to someone, and next to these guys, maybe the VG would look like a can of soda. Enjoy that mental picture again and again. This is taken from the BBC News website.

Homer

Condoms 'too big' for Indian men

Damian Grammaticus

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.

It has led to a call for condoms of mixed sizes to be made more widely available in India.

The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre.

The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers.

The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

Doctor Chander Puri, a specialist in reproductive health at the Indian Council of Medical Research, told the BBC there was an obvious need in India for custom-made condoms, as most of those currently on sale are too large.

The issue is serious because about one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears, an extremely high failure rate.

And the country already has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation.

'Not a problem'

Mr Puri said that since Indians would be embarrassed about going to a chemist to ask for smaller condoms there should be vending machines dispensing different sizes all around the country.

"Smaller condoms are on sale in India. But there is a lack of awareness that different sizes are available. There is anxiety talking about the issue. And normally one feels shy to go to a chemist's shop and ask for a smaller size condom."

But Indian men need not be concerned about measuring up internationally according to Sunil Mehra, the former editor of the Indian version of the men's magazine Maxim.

"It's not size, it's what you do with it that matters," he said.

"From our population, the evidence is Indians are doing pretty well.

"With apologies to the poet Alexander Pope, you could say, for inches and centimetres, let fools contend."

dead feet

I don't think Paris needs any more people talking about her, and I'm as sick of her as the next internet gossip junkie, but what is going on with her toes? Creepy. - themo

ubu productions 1982

For some reason I thought this was comedy gold back in the day. -VG

Bowie Meets Crosby

It's not Christmas until you get a little of this magic...

Merry Christmas from the Van-dals

-VG

New blog...

As some of you know, I have another blog which I use when I feel that my topic is either inappropriate for the VanBlogger, or I am posting on here too much. If you want to check it out please do and comment away. I fixed the comment section so you don't have to register to comment, but if you are offended by pictures of Kate Beckinsale, don't bother.

The address is http://homershaven.blogspot.com

Homer

New Product

If anyone is looking for a last minute Christmas gift, check this out, it's an actual product and website from Norelco...http://shaveeverywhere.com/ -themo

The Messiah's Mansion

Nay and I have seen this place on our way to Target. It's on Power and Warner and it's totally awesome. After we watch the Ten Commandments we can go ahead and check out this place? Somebody down? For real. Let me know.
http://www.messiahsmansion.com/about_us.htm

themo's game addiction

Bingo Friday night anyone? Me and my crew are going.

Best of The Farting Preacher

Just to show RUSAVD and the rest of you just how irreverent I can be, I present to you The Farting Preacher. A fraud who's getting his come-uppance by being presented on the internet with fart sound effects. What's not to love?

Guy Love

This clip is a million times funnier than last week's episode. The only time I will only claim to enjoy "Guy Love." Ooh, I feel kinda dirty now.

Homer

10 Things I Hate About Commandments

For those of you who enjoy the psuedo-trailer as much as I do, this is the must-see, oscar-worthy, two-thumbs-up, best trailer so far this year.

Wait for Principal Firebush.

Prostitute Chic, it's amazing. . .

I know that the new Bond movie was supposed to be good, but what the hell happened to the fabled "Bond Girl?" In the past this term meant hot, exotic babes that Bond could just do his thing and leave in the name of the British crown, Teri Hatcher notwithstanding. But look at this skank that they are trying to foist off on an unsuspecting public. She looks like she is about three rungs down the prostitute ladder from Hillary Swank in her Pirelli Tire Calendar. The way she's just sprawling on that motel "comforter" suggests the HIV looks like it could be the least of her worries.

Homer

"Scary Mary"

Check out this video. If you dare. Some people have too much time on their hands.

Homer

Afternoon Delight

enjoy -themo

Designer fashion

I want to get this T-shirt to wear to Bingo. -themo

So What is the Proper Etiquette?

So themo and I are watching television last night. There was nothing but crap on, of course, but Van Helsing was on TNT. Earlier in the day Underworld was on and both movies prompted the following conversation:

Themo: What is this?
Homer: Van Helsing/Underworld, it is/is supposed to be pretty bad.
Themo: But it's okay if Kate Beckinsale is in it right?
Homer: (Shrugs)

And after a few minutes, the channel gets changed. So my question is, at what point is watching a movie like that just spank-bank storage and cheap voyeurism? How long is it acceptable to have that movie on? What is the proper etiquette for that situation? And at what point are you sleeping on the couch?

Oh yeah, I'll totally own the fact that I'm a pig, but I don't want to piss themo off. She'll kill me in my sleep.

Homer

All is (NOT) Well.

For a real laugh, wait until about 3:28 into this song...I think Clay is going through puberty. He sounds like poor Peter Brady...

Biff's Question Song (Stand-up Comedy)

Everyone's a comedian, but this is especially true for Biff from the Back to the Future trilogy.

I don't know if I'd have any questions for Tom Wilson, but if I ever met Michael J. I'd ask him, "What's shakin'?"

A flash from the past...

I love love love this. George Michael pre-grooming fit, Bono pre-blowhard, the absolutely great Paul Young, and a little Phil Collins thrown in for the mo's delight. It always gets me in the Christmas mood, for real. Enjoy!

I Know This is Supposed to be Sexy

Every year this legendary Pirelli calendar comes out with these famous actresses and models, and each year they release "arty" images that look like they were shot in a Motel 6 with a three dollar hooker. I mean Hillary Swank has a fantastic body, but just look at these pictures. If she looked any trashier she would be Brittney Spears. If I went to someone's house and they had these pictures on their walls, I would really try not to touch anything for fear of some strange communicable disease. I'm sure you can look for more of these pictures online if you haven't sated your desire for pictures of cheap prostitutes.

Homer

Living in a Japanese Basement

until you are 35 must not bring shame to your family if you can do this. I mean really now, how long would it take to be able to do this, and why? I guess he's pretty talented, but at least we know he's not out buying girls panties out of vending machines. Yet.

Homer

I wonder if they lived in a gingerbread house

with candy cane trimming to try to lure in unwary children for their nefarious schemes. It is a heartwarming tale of the true meaning of Thanksgiving. I cannot even think of anything to add. Enjoy!

Homer

Man allegedly tries to force wife into hot oven

Associated Press
Nov. 30, 2006 04:43 PM

CONYERS, Ga. - A man has been arrested after allegedly trying to force his estranged wife into an oven on Thanksgiving in front of their five children.

Martin Luther Jackson, 31, of Decatur, has been charged with aggravated assault, aggravated battery, cruelty to children and possession of marijuana after the Nov. 23 incident, said Sgt. Jodi Shupe of the Rockdale County Sheriff's Office.

Jackson and his 29-year-old wife, who have been separated since July, have five children ranging in age from 1 to 13 years old, Shupe said. Jackson apparently started fighting with his wife after she and the children returned to their Conyers home on Thanksgiving.

At one point during the fight, Jackson allegedly attempted to stuff his wife inside the kitchen oven, which had been left on to heat the house, Shupe said. The woman escaped and went to the sheriff's office with visible head injuries, Shupe said.

Investigators found Jackson hiding under a bed at his mother's house in Decatur, where he had been living since the separation, Shupe said.

How I Lost My Baby Weight

I don't have to say a thing.

-=Nay

Shameless Stunts for Attention

Britney has got to put some damn panties on - I'm sick to death of hearing about this every day. Seriously, she's making K-Fed look like the one with class....

K-Rock

Michael Scott in Money Magazine

Michael Scott

Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Paper Co.

Avoid a Staff Mutiny (With Chocolate, if Necessary)

(As imagined by Greg Daniels, executive producer, and Paul Lieberstein, co-executive producer, of NBC's The Office) Every day someone stops me on the street or in a coffee shop or a magic shop, and they want to know how to motivate their staff! Fantastic, I tell them! Then I tell them there's this old saying, "You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. It will only drink if it's thirsty." I think that while at one point that may have been true, in today's fast-paced business climate, that no longer holds water!! Of course you can make a horse drink. If it doesn't drink, whip it. The horse will understand that you mean business, and it'll start gulping down a ton of water. Now, luckily I don't have to whip my employees - they worship me - plus they drink plenty on their own. Ergo, love. Fantastic! The three keys to motivating your staff are love (positive reinforcement), fear (negative enforcement), and chocolate (chocolate reinforcement).

Nowadays I find chocolate and/or chocolate-based snacks to be great motivators. Everyone loves chocolate. If someone has a lot of work to do, put a piece of fudge in a glass container (so they can see it) and let them know that if they accomplish their tasks, they can eat the fudge. You'll definitely get a reaction!

What's it come down to? Attitude! I teach my workers a "yes, let's get it done!" way of thinking, whereas without me they would think, "OK, I'll do it, but I'd rather just watch TV and do it later." I'm behind that. I'm helping them make life better and better, with no limits! The future is theirs and mine! I believe so much in the future that I invest exclusively in "futures." In fact, you can't invest in "pasts," they don't offer that. I've checked.

There's a saying, "As goes paper, so goes the paper business." You've heard of supply and demand. Well, paper demands that I do my job or I am fired. That's been said to me. And that's a good thing: It's called a warning, and we should heed the warning signs of a downturn. Or an upturn. The point is, motivation is business, and that's fantastic. Business is the backbone of the economy, and those who say otherwise are incorrect or lying to your face. If it weren't for business, this country would probably have another depression, only this one wouldn't be so great.

Caption that photo

I saw this picture on metadish.com yesterday and fell in love with it. Unfortunately, I am kind of at a loss what to say about this freak, other than she is making her husband's affair with a porn star look like a massive step up in the world. I thought it would be fun to have a little contest to see who could come up with the best caption for this photo. Winner gets chocolate.

I'll go first:

"Damn, Brittney either needs to put Paris back to work or get Lindsay back so she can suckle her other teat"

In other fun photo news, this one is for Gassy. I know you liked the TMZ picture, so here is another. She is just scary now (and has been for years).


Homer

Kid Rock = Sherlock Holmes

So I'm sitting here yesterday, just reading the mindless gossip sites trying to feign interest in yet another picture of Brittney's "babymaker" as one site put it, when I learned some of the reasons why Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson are divorcing. According to one site, he flipped out after seeing the Borat movie. Here is the quote:

"Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' - in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing.

Pamela Anderson is a slut and a whore? What was his first clue, do you think? The Borat movie? The hep shots he had to get? The Valtrex in the medicine cabinet? The fact that she dated Scott Baio? Kid Rock must be some kind of detective savant. I mean anyone could have missed the clues, even Holmes wasn't perfect, but Kid was able to cipher it out without the help of others. If this music thing doesn't work out, he can always get work as a mall security guard or something.

Homer

Demi Moore - Crusader

So Demi has had it huh? I guess she just needs to look fondly back at her Oscar-worthy work in Striptease and Charlie’s Angels and wonder why all of the good roles for older women go to that bitch Judy Dench. Here is the article from azcentral.com:

Demi Moore has slammed Hollywood for the lack of roles available to older actresses.

The 44-year-old star has blasted filmmakers for making women believe their careers are over once they turn 40.

She fumed to Britain's OK! magazine: "For many female actors who turn 40 it means the end of their career, its time to retire. There aren't that many good roles for women over 40.

"A lot of them don't have much substance, other than being someone's mother or wife. If we are told we are not valuable once we hit 30 it is a problem."

The 'Bobby' actress - who is married to 28-year-old Ashton Kutcher - has urged middle-aged actresses to prove their big screen abilities to the major studios.

Demi said: "We all have more to give. We can't just bend over and wait for something to happen. We have to say, 'I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!' "

You know, now that you think about it, Demi has the potential to be the next Gloria Steinem, or maybe the next self-important psuedo-celebrity to open their pie-hole to complain about how hard it is to be them. She should just shut the hell up, thank her plastic surgeon for keeping her relevant, and have money fights with Ashton before she gives him a glass of milk and puts him to bed.

Homer

Nothing like blackface footage to contain a scandal...

Since Care Bear likes black-face, I thought this was not only timely, but fun as well.

Homer

Arrested Development - The Chicken Dance Collection

I know that I have posted these before, but this is a compilation, so it is like it's new. Again, one of the great television shows ever.

Homer

猩猩遇到蛇

WTF!!!

The 5th VanAusdal

From the one and only - Vanilla Gorilla

Lets hear it for the boy kids incorporated

Looking at the SBTB videos has got me thinking back to that great Sunday morning stand-by, Kids Incorporated. This clip is great for a few reasons: classic Footloose song, Martika, Fergie, Tootie on the keyboards, and the older boy in the group who barely gets to sing at all - maybe he didn't want to hear about the damn boy.

K-Rock

Saved by the Bell: Brokeback Style

The Angry Ninja

You asked for it.

Well worth sixty bucks

I don't care what you think about Disney, they know how to do a fireworks show. Yes, it's 17 minutes long, so I would suggest fastforwarding to about 6:30, where Indiana Jones, Haunted Mansion, Pirates, and Star Wars begin.

The Office - Free Love

Classic - themo

What you want, a cookie?!

Another great The Office clip. -themo

Hot Sundae!

I found another Saved by the Bell nugget for my hubby (a closet SBTB fan) - themo

slater dance

I know this guys supposed to be some kind of boy wonder, but wow, how GAY! -themo

Really bringing sexy back

Since themo cannot get here youtube clip to stay working, it falls to me to bring sexy back to the Vanblogger. Ladies, don't hate on her because she has soo much estrogen in her body, just accept the fact that you will never measure up to her. Guys, I'm not sure you should look, but it's probably too late. My question is what purpose is the bikini top really serving here? I know the bottom is holding her penis in, but the top? Arnold has bigger boobs, but he still goes topless in public. This one could have been in the Halloween countdown, but it is too recent. Enjoy!

Homer

When they were kings...

One thing I am grateful for is youtube.com. It allows me to forget for just a minute or two that two that at least two of these guys are now insane. Forget the fashion atrocities being committed here, and revel in the power of the greatest rock band of the era. Twenty-five years is a long time ago. Just pray that they will come to their senses and stay home next year.

Homer

Johnny Cash Tribute

cameo list...bono, justin timberlake, kanye west, jay-z, johnny depp, iggy pop, chris martin, kate moss, rick rubin, anthony kiedis, flea, chris rock, patty smith, sharon stone, terrence howard, q-tip, adam levine, sir peter blake, sheryl crow, dennis hopper, woody harrelson, amy lee, tommy lee, dixie chicks, mick jones, shelby lynne, travis barker, lisa marie presley, kid rock, keith richards, kris kristofferson, billy gibbons, corinne bailey rae, graham nash, brian wilson, owen wilson... - themo

The Office Brings Sexy Back

Make sure you watch it with sound. -themo

I'm thankful for ???

1. I am grateful for hair because I will always have a job. I hope!

2. I am grateful for the Great Pumpkin because he brings toys and candy to the most sincere.

3. I am grateful that dinosaurs are extinct because I hate to run.

Snippy!

Wow, I cannot believe my eyes!

Before:


After:



So Themo and I were sitting around the other day marveling at the amazing body transformation that Fatty-fat-fat Carmen Electra had undergone. I mean really, can you believe it either? I mean in the top picture it looks like she may have eaten a rice cake earlier that week. Anyway, we were perplexed; was it diet and exercise, or some surgery, or merely some intense regimen "celebrities" use when they need to slim down for a part that us normal peons will never even hear about?

Well, we are perplexed no more. We were watching television last night and we saw that Carmen is now a spokesperson for NV Diet Pills. Get it? N-V(Envy)??? Trim-spa and that coke-fiend have nothing on this new miracle pill. Seriously, what more could they ask for in a spokesperson than someone who has obviously suffered with weight issues throughout her life. I mean the pictures don't lie, do they???

Homer

GAY!!

No, that's not a partial birth abortion. It's the new Diamondback uniform. Vanillia Gorilla no likey.

Vanilla's List

My list is simple.

!. My job. Not because I make a difference in peoples life or anything, it because they make a difference in mine with the crazy that comes out of their mouths on a daily basis. the following is an actual transcibed message left by a student on a co-workers voice mail. This was transcibed word for word by the care bear.

Ah, yes, this is Jane Doe, um, recall, uh, returning your call. Uh, I have a background as a speech and language therapist. Um, um, but I, I think, um, for, um, you know, financial control purposes in the state of California, I don’t know, I don’t think Bank of America would even allow me a separate safe deposit box. So, um, I’m wondering now that, um, that there’s been the death of my mother and my uncle and, I think, you know, at least a minimum of 5 million dollars went to Surprise, Arizona. I’m wondering if, um, if it would be possible to get employed anywhere. I-I’m on SSI right now and I’m trying to get back in to some form of work because I’m finding that the SSI is just a different biomedical behavioral controller nanotechnology experiment every two to three months or less. So I’m trying now that everybody’s gotten their money to maybe enable myself. If there’s any possibility of life in America , um, through, uh, job access and financial and health and transportation control. So, um, anyway, uh, I-I don’t know if, if this seems irrelevant to you, but it’s very relevant in terms of me being able if I’m going to be enable to study or whatever, because I go through a lot of teleportation implantation injection imbedding of-of, uh, things and also, I think withdrawal of blood. Um, so, um, anyway, I’m wondering if the medical and financial transportation communication education job exca-, access control is going to give me any access to anything. Um, all I can is my background is a speech and language therapist. There is a convention this year in, um, Florida to get continuing educations in the field of speech and language therapy. I always felt the field of speech and language therapy was a little bit narrow and I enjoyed teaching when I had an opportunity to substitute teach in California. I like the ancient Egypt , Greece , Rome , India , China , you know, Japan . Um, I like the ancient civilization. I like to study the ancient civilizations and I like to teach that kind of thing. Um, I don’t know, um, if you have any, um, opportunity for older women. I’m in my 50’s. Um, so, I don’t know if there’s any opportunity for continuing education or, or, if I should try to go the nursing route. But I feel like I need some form of employment, otherwise I’ll probably be dead shortly. Uh, due to the, um, research, um, and control that MediCal is. It’s just, it’s just a diagnosti – stistical manual code torture chamber of all the diagnosti –stistical manual codes to go through one after another like a little guinea pig or – or, um, hamster in a revolving cage. So, um, so I am trying to have an opportunity for continuing education. Um, and I-I don’t know if, um, there’s any, um, scholarships, uh, or any, um, any type of access toward the older woman. Um, there certainly isn’t here in Santa Cruz , California . So, um, due to the financial need of the community, the state, and (inaudible) my family. So, um, I need, um, some type of, um, job access, uh, with you know with maybe some continuing education on the side probably as soon as possible. And, um, that gives you a brief background on myself. Um, I was educated at the University of California at Santa Barbara and the University of New Mexico . I felt as though, um, in terms of education from my field I should have really have taken more chemistry or for the, um, the medical system these days. And, um, also, perhaps, um, medical terminology. But there’s also the problem, of, uh, nuclear, um, uh, for, uh, over, the-the-the Southwest region. And, um, s-so there’s, uh, other problems in terms of education, um, in terms of (inaudible) education the field of physics. So, um, but, um, that’s more of a long range perspective, um, over the Southwest region and that’s all I have to say at the moment. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx extension xxx and right now there is some irritability medicine in my right arm that I’m going to have to try to get out some hydrogen peroxide gel. Due to, uh, the fact that the state of California is always trying to make me irritable. Ok, and thank you so much for calling. Bye.

2. Tacos - I them all in all their many forms

3. QT - I have yet to find anything wrong with the tizzzle. The only improvement that I could possible suggest would be and automatic doors and nice crystal light fixtures.

K-Rock's Gratitude List

1. My little bundle of joy (read: licks, barking at phantom things, sleeping in my lap on the couch, expertly getting poo stuck in her bum fur) Mia VanAusdal.

2. I have to ditto Homer's Diet Coke tribute - I truly can't imagine daily life without it.

3. The combo of peanut butter and chocolate in any form.

4. B-I-N-G-O! Don't knock it til' you've tried it...I know some of you feel me on this one!

5. My family's great sense of humor....can you imagine this blogger with a comic-impaired family? Yuck.

Monastat 7

I am thankful for Monastat 7, I'm on fire!
I am also thankful for Massengil. Now, I have that fresh feeling! Thanks Mom.
I am thankful for Compound W. This stuff is a miracle, I know it says not to use on sensitive areas but a girl has to do what a girl has to do.
Lastly, I am thankful for antibiotics - don't ask, don't tell.
themo

Gratitude By Nay

I think that Gratitude by Nay would make a great fragrance btw.

I am thankful for:

Tollhouse Break and Bake Cookies. I'm pretty sure no explanation is necessary, but I'll just go ahead and say that there's nothing wrong with a kitchen that smells like chocolate chip cookies, and even less wrong with no bowls or measuring cups to wash afterwards.

PBS. 100% Guilt-free entertainment, and it comes in clear without cable.

McDonald's. For being there through thick and thin, and then thick again, cos who can resist a milkshake every now and then?

What Exactly Are You Thankful For??

It is November, a time for reflection and all of that other sappy crap-ola. A stupid bulletin board at work has inspired this post. On it we were supposed to put what we were thankful for and of course everyone put the same stuff: family, friends, health, yada-yada-yada. It almost made me puke. But it did make me want to ask all of you, what are you thankful for? Not the obvious stuff, I know you are all grateful for your family and health, but what kind of stupid crap are you thankful for? Post it here and we can all make fun of it!

I'll start it off here are a few things I am thankful for:

1. I am thankful for Haribo gummi bears. They are sweet, tart, and delicious. They help me maintain the impressive physique that I am blessed with. The German genius is really out in full force with those delicacies.

2. I am thankful that Diet Coke is the supreme beverage in the universe. Others aspire to its greatness, but they cannot quite measure up.

3. I am thankful for iTunes for allowing me to purchase songs individually. There is no way in hell I would buy something like "The Final Countdown" in person, but thanks to the internet, I can get it without ever leaving the house. Of course I only use it when I am prancing around like Gob with a dagger in my mouth, throwing cards, and ripping, well that's enough about what themo and I do behind closed doors.

Homer

P.S. I had some really cool pictures to add, but the blogspot won't add them. I'll get them later.

The Trolls are out

According to Jim Rome, the first rule of the Jungle is the ability to smack your own. As a long-time EVH fanboy, I've got to come correct and smack down on one of the most frightening transformations in the entertainment industry. Ed used to be a normal looking dude, but over the past few years he has turned into a freakish little troll. He is not far from looking like Gollum with a guitar, let alone a bum with vibrator in his mouth. He went from touring the world with a platinum-selling band and a television star wife to a burned-out addict porn producer. He is a step away from the grave (whether or not he is pre or post burial is for you to decide). Take this post for a warning, but as for me, if I see him bumming smokes outside of the local Circle K I am going to run like hell.

Homer

P.S. Here are just a couple of the hilarious Photoshop images people have made with this picture.