Velcro

Here's a funny link. Watch the whole pod cast. It reminded me of something I could see Care Bear doing. Quirky and funny.

http://www.rhettandlink.com/exploits_videos/play.php?id=RLK_Velcro

Fantastic!!!

ABBA watch out!

Ahhh, mammaries... I mean memories

I was again browsing my selected sites looking for good VanBlogger material (which is really anything because no one posts here anymore) and I saw this picture of our hero Lindsay (see the previous post). The first thing I noticed wasn't her shoddy taste in beverages or her lack of undergarments, but those hideous boots. It reminded me of a simpler time when I was in high school. There was this really fruity guy who wore boots like this all of the time along with Jethro Tull t-shirts. Seriously, this was in the mid-80s, and that was what he wore. Anyway, one day this guy got into a fight and the other guy just pummeled the boot-guy. Nothing amusing about that, but what was amusing was as the beating was being delivered, the guy doing the pummeling was singing his own off-key version of Black Sabbath's "Fairies Wear Boots." I don't know how long he was planning this, but it was a little slice of comedy gold.

Homer

Now serving #37. . . Now serving #37

There is so much negative publicity surrounding Ms. Lohan that I thought I'd put some positive news out there. Her whore-like aspiration to bring joy to losers everywhere is a welcome change from those frigid pseudo-stars like Pamela and Jenna. Just look at the glee in this fella's face and tell me she isn't responsible for keeping America's hopes and dreams alive in this time of woe. Just look at it and feel her magic through the screen. It gives me goosebumps (which is a lot safer than it is going to give him).

I salute you Lindsay.

Homer

VG, You complete the story.....

"Seniors in Prescott were shocked to learn that the plant they'd been watering was marijuana. Above: Yavapai County Sheriff's Deputy Deputy Justin Dwyer holds the five-foot plant"

And now for Paul Harvey's, The Rest of The Story.......

Alexis is coming up next on the main stage . . .

You cannot see it in the photograph but there is enough money on the stage beneath her feet for Kathy to forget that her husband stole money from her. Or at least enough to pay for her gays AZT bills this month. The reason for all of that cash? Lonely strip club patrons who really don't want to see those clothes come off and are paying her to get off of the stage and let the local crack-whores get back to work.

Homer

From CNN...

Aztecs butchered, ate Spanish invaders

Remind me never to piss off [Nay]. Eeek! - themo

Parking mix

This is for the boys. I just think they'll appreciate it more. - themo

Daler Mehndi - Tunak Tunak Tun

I think I found a potential mate for K-rock...

Mirror, Mirror...why am I such a has-been?

For those of you who can't get past the photo shopping, this is none other than Janet, Miss Jackson if you're nasty.

-K-Rock

Good thing she just got that bikini wax!

K-Rock

This is totally tasteless, which is why I'm posting it...

John Mark Karr, of course!

K-Fed

Okay if you have not seen it yet you HAVE to check out the Kevin Federline Video from the Teen Choice awards last night. The crowd did not even know who he was at first. It is a must! It's on the superficial. www.thesuperficial.com Here is the link if you do not already have it. Later Snippy!

What's up with this?

Pamela Anderson might be pregnant

Alright Girls back a Sister up here. Why is it that any time celeb women show just a tiny bit of a tummy the public automatically assumes they are pregnant? Most likely it is her shirt and the way it is laying but still come on. Now I am not defending Pam in any way, but it is not just her that they write this about she is the most recent. It drives me NUTS. Not that I am not already nuts. To me it makes me feel like I must look like I am 8 months pregnant with twins. Any way that is my ranting for the day. Snippy

Hell yeah brother!

I had a lot of childhood heros, but none and I repeat none are nearly as cool as the Hulkster.

I had a hamster named Snuffy

We had a blog named VanBlogger
It died! It died!
We said we'd write regularly
We lied! We lied!
Why oh why is the hilarity dead?
Couldn't that Chrysler hit me instead?

-Nay (with apologies to Lisa Simpson)

I Used To Believe

This just cracked me up.

I thought Napoleon invented linoleum.
Steve Murphy - iusedtobelieve.com

-Nay

Brilliant show, let's hope the movie is half as good

If any of you are ignorant about who Jerri Blank and her friends are, I can hook you up with all of the shows on DVD - it's awesome. I need to see this movie!

Oh Dear...

Farrah has hit a wall, no? At least her grill is perty...

K-Rock

Just so you know, I'm eating a Wether's Orginal right now

Whatever happened to Emo Phillips?

Wild Bill and Sir Edmund....

I was watching the Discovery Channel this morning and I saw an episode on Sir Edmund Hillary. I had my laptop open so I googled Hillary to find out more about this guy. That's when I cam across this great claim by our last great President from Little Rock.....

"Former US President Bill Clinton said in his autobiography (p830), My Life, that his wife Hillary Clinton was named after Edmund Hillary. The claim is interesting in that Hillary was an unknown when he climbed Everest in 1953, and Hillary Clinton was then already five years old."

Free hair cuts, color, whatever

Alright, I just learned that while I am in Phase 1, once we go over a procedure, on Saturdays I can then perform that procedure on my own client. It is free, because you are true ginnie pigs; because at this time I have only practiced it on a manikin. It also goes to my many practical tasks/hours that I have to have credit for before graduating. So right now I have learned Mens hair cuts, manicures, and pedicures. We all know where I stand on pedicures, so don't even go there!! ;-) If any of you guys want a hair cut or a mani let me know and I will ask my instructor. Also we are learning color next week. Just let me know. Cheif I learned the High and tight today. I might need just a little more practice before I can profect the Cheif high and tight though. Plus I think I would be a little scared to do it right now :) I know you are sad about that. Alright now I am going to bed. Peace Out, Snippy

A Private Moment with Paris

Since there is no way I can compete with the idea of Tupac VanBlogger, I just thought I would post this little slice of comedy gold. You know that just out of the photo, there was a sleazy director and a sexy xerox repairman, complete with a greasy ponytail, hopped up on Viagra and ready to assist the young philosopher. Enjoy!

Homer

Third Reich From the Sun

Just so you know... This was my idea first. I've had it for years. It's pretty much the best idea known to ideadom. It's more of a TV show than anything else.

Set in Glendale, AZ, Greenway High School dropouts Adolf Hitler and Benny "The Moose" Mussolini get a job at Blockbuster Video. They're also in a clumsy punk rock band called the Dick Taters. They're both madly in love with the girl who works across the street at Einstein Bros. Bagels. The comedy is centered around their wacky antics to win the heart of bagel girl. Every now and then they meet up with the hot shot Japanese street racer known strictly as "Hirohito". He's cool, he works at the Starbucks that's connected to Einstein Bros, and bagel girl kind of has the hots for him. This infuriates Adolph and Benny, but they need him so they can get close to bagel girl. They are occassionally harrassed by Ironwood High School meatheads Harry, Doug, George, their black dog, and their oddball friend Joseph.

Also, I wanted everyone to know my comic book idea. I can't draw or I'd totally do it.

It's also set in Glendale. While at Castles and Coasters, I recognize Tupac Shakur. When I approach him, he initially denies it. With a little kindness, he eventually breaks down and spills his guts. Suge Knight kicked him out, he was hospitalized for dementia in LA for claiming he was the dead Tupac. He eventually broke out and caught a freight train to Phoenix. Living under the name "Todd Bridges" he just wanders around without clear direction. From there, I bring him into the VanAusdal household. He goes to church with us, hikes White Tanks, and we both get a job at Michael's. Most of the comic book is centered around me trying to help him assimilate to white suburban culture. The comedy is obvious.

Come on down!!!

check out this site, it has funny out takes from The Price is Right.

http://www.tpir.tv/

More Fun with Shamu, I mean Kelly Osborne

I saw these and knew I had to share. She scares me. The girl in the second picture could be the daughter of the Elephant Man, but right now she looks like Miss America.

Homer

Australian Tune Up?!?!?!

So I'm watching television the other night, looking for something to distract me from the fact that I'm going back to work when I see this horrific commercial. It has some woman with the worst Australian accent since Paul Hogan touting the new "lift down under." It doesn't tell you what it really is, vaginal rejuvenation, where a woman pays someone to take a laser to her private parts to make them "better." Outside of reformed porn stars, or Paris Hilton, who needs this? I guess it says something about our world that we, as a people, can be willing to spend up to $15,000 to make that thing "asthetically pleasing." It either means that the terrorists are right and we are all going to hell, or we are the greatest society the world has ever seen. I haven't figured it all out yet, but I think I know where the Gorilla's going to stand...

Homer

Oh, Iceman!

-K Rock

D'oh!

I thought everyone would find this interesting, I know it was for me.

There can be no doubt that editors of peer-reviewed medical journals must always place the interest of patients above all else. Every published article eventually can and should affect patient care. Therefore, all articles that we publish must be ethically sound, valid, reliable, and credible (ie, reflective of work that is performed, written, reviewed, and edited in a manner that is unencumbered by financial pressure). With that in mind, it is important to discern the necessary and honest interests of for-profit companies from the potentially corrupting influence of commercial interests.

- Catherine D. DeAngelis, MD, MPH

Weight Watchers food

Hey K-Rock I was looking at the shopping flyers that come in the mail today. The one from Albertson's has Smart Ones entrees 4 for $10 and 6 for $10 also. Just thought I would give ya a heads up! Snippy

Star Wars in 20 Minutes

George Lucas is Cool

This sounds pretty cool. The bigger question is whether or not they will have Jar-Jar out there in blackface? Because that is not something that is done enough on stage anymore.

Homer

Dog Wedding

Dog Marries Beth. This absolutely must be TiVo'd for me. Tonight on Bravo.
I HAVE GOT TO SEE HER WEDDING DRESS!!

It's Not Like He Bought Tickets to Wicked

Army dismisses gay Arabic linguist [AP]

"On Dec. 2, investigators formally interviewed Copas and asked if he understood the military's policy on homosexuals, if he had any close acquaintances who were gay, and if he was involved in community theater. He answered affirmatively."

I'm having a really hard time believing this isn't a joke. Apparently Don't Ask Don't Tell has evolved to include And For The Love of God, Don't Act. Maybe we should use Intelligence to scan store purchases of our servicemen and women, just to make sure noone is buying any Kelly Clarkson albums or DIY Decorating books.

Honoring 100 years

I called each of you yesterday, but I want to follow-up with some written details. Sunday, August 27, 2006 would be Othelia's birthday. I wanted to do something to commemorate her 100th birthday, so we are going to have a birthday party in her honor her at our place.

Mom and I will prepare an Othelia like dinner (with pies of course). You are all invited and we will have some time to honor a person that has more than a little to do with a good number of us being here. Think of your most memorable Grandma story and share it with us.

If you can let me know what your Sunday schedules are so we can plan on a time and not inconvenience anyone too much. Thanks.

Okay I Win!

Is it just me or is her creature eating her shorts. Now I knew Pamela Anderson's Creature was scary, but not that scarey. Watch out for the killer creature its hungry. Snippy

Caution Killer whale on the beach

Okay, I understand rich people can do whatever they want, but come on! That dress has to go! Snippy......

Zombie!!!

At what point did Ashley kill Mary-Kate and have her reanimated? Of course being one of the living dead should result in a huge improvement in her acting skills, but the whole "soul trapped by a voodoo curse" thing would play out badly I'm sure.

Homer

I have two words for you.... No shame. - themo

I know we've asked K-rock to be the mother of our children in the unfortunate case that we die, but after seeing the mothering skills of Melanie Griffith with her 17 year old, we've had a change of heart. I wonder if she'd be interested? Maybe she could teach them important skills like how to roll a joint or hide track marks.

Ok, I'm not knocking MC's body, cuz lord knows I'd love to have it, but.....I think it's interesting to check out the level of airbrushing that occurs in the media. The first picture is promo for her tour, and the others are pics from her tour.... - K-Rock

Serial Salad Shooter

I heard a woman talking the other day about a giant tv screen on the I-10. Is this for real or was I dreaming this. It doesn't sound legit at all.

Who everyone is

Ok I think we are all a little confused on everyone's alias's. Here is a list of the names in order from oldest to youngest and so on.
K-rock is daughter #1
themo is daughter #2
Vanilla Gorrilla is son # 1
Snippy #1 daughter-in-law (and I do mean #1)
Care Bear is son #2
Nay is daughter-in-law #2

This is all I have figured out so far. Son-in-law #1 and Mom and Dad need names as well. Later, Snippy

Serial Shooter has a website

Ok, check out boxingandmore.com...it's the website of Dale Hausner, one of the suspects arrested today for the serial shooting. A few things that are of note / creepy:

1. He is a "professional" photographer...yet the pics on this site are straight up crap...looks like they were done with a disposable camera.

2. His references to "shoots" and especially "headshots" are downright spooky.

Discuss....

Irregardless

Today at work we had a raging argument whether or not "irregardless" is a real word. I therefore offer the same argument to the blog for further comment.
This is from webster's online dictionary... -VG

Main Entry: ir·re·gard·less Pronunciation: "ir-i-'gärd-l&sFunction: adverbEtymology: probably blend of irrespective and regardlessnonstandard : REGARDLESSusage Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that "there is no such word." There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance. Use regardless instead.

How hard is it for you people to sign your names to your posts? - VG

This beat actually talking to each other.

I've waited my entire adult life to be able to establish a relationship with people where there was no threat of personal interaction or worse yet actually touching one another. This is better than a journal in that a journal only depersonalizes you from those that never really knew you anyway. If all goes well the grandchildren will only have to get to know my sentence structure and odd vocabulary issues to be able to say they really knew old grand-dad. I'll check in every once in a while to make sure the group is communicating, and when occasion demands I may take another stab at deep, probing searches for quality, prosterity building communication.

Poo is Funny

Check out this great website, it is all things poo. Or, if you're the Vanilla Gorilla's little boy, it's all things feces....that's a great story.

poopreport.com

Mel has it all wrong

This was on WWTDD site. I love it. Another picture I would hang on my wall at home if it wouldn't scar my kids for life. - themo