Benny Hinn

Who wants to get slain in the spirit? Benny Hinn is ready to take some mofo's OUT.

Chapelle's show - Niggar Family

I'm in the Chappelle show mood...

K-Rock

I want this shirt

There are times when you see something that just screams "Vanblogger" and this shirt was it. I want one. Not because I'm morbidly obese like this man, but just because it kicks ass.

Homer

Apache Kills in Iraq

WOW!

Apache

In case you forgot. -VG

Rick James

For K-Rock - VG

Come and get it ladies!!!

Knowing all you ladies like I do, I just gotta ask, what would it take to get with Micky Rourke now-a-days? Roofies? A gallon of whiskey? A gun to the head of a family member?

I know that you need to let your plastic surgery relax before making any final determinations, but I'd say that Rourke should really consider suicide before he goes under the knife again, for our sake if not his.

Homer

Prince - Musicology

Again I pose the question. Who is going to make the weekend trip the Rio in Las Vegas with me?

Charlie Murphy

I'm sure all of you have seen this before,but its comedy gold. -VG

Clip Time

There's several on this clip, enjoy!

A Christmas Pot O' Gold

For those of you who haven't seen VH1's show Web Junk, it is a weekly top 10 of the best viral videos on the web. I've seen many a great vid on this show. Well, they had their best 40 in 2006 show, and you can go online to see all of the videos. I don't want to spend the time posting all of the best ones on the blogger, so feel free to peruse the selections at this website:

http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/webjunk_20/series.jhtml

Perhaps I'll post a really funny one to whet your appetite...

K-Rock

SLADE - MERRY XMAS EVERYBODY

In the true spirit of the season, drunken pub yells and a heaping helping of glam.

If you don't like this, then I don't like you.

-=Nay

Honda Commercial

I love kinetic things like this. They did this commercial without any CGI. The part with the tires was trippy but I read a thing on Snopes that explained that the tired were weighted. Enjoy.

Sherwood does Full House

I have no idea who this band is or what they sound like, but I love them for this.

-=Nay

Deal with Satan

I know that it would be easy for many of you to mis-read this title as Santa, but really this is going to take more than just shaking hands with a fat, jolly guy. I saw today that David Spade (above) is still dating Heather Locklear. I just wanted to know what kind of deal he had to make with the devil to cloud Heather's mind and vision like this. I know he's funny, and women like that, but he also looks like he drives a van that is upholstered in maroon shag carpeting and mail-orders girls underwear from Japan. There is no earthly reason for Dave to pull this. None, and I don't want to hear about his money either, she could buy and sell him like the little troll he is. It is just another one of those Southern California mysteries (like the one where Alex Van Halen hasn't kicked his brother's ass into next week).

Homer

For the Sista's

Alright my friends as I look at this blog page I see a lot of half dress beautiful women for the boys to enjoy. However there is not much for us ladies to look at. I received and email from a friend today and thought it was perfect to post for our viewing delight. Here it is, enjoy!
Merry Christmas! Snippy

How gay are you?

After watching themo's video, I had to go find this quiz, just to see if my percentage had increased. Take it, it's fun and informative. Just to assuage my heterosexuality, here is a picture of Kate.

Here's the link.

I just remember themo didn't like her number last time. Homer found it intriguing in some fashion...

Homer

Mr. T - Treat Your Mother Right

"Yo mamma" jokes just got REAL unfunny.

So did short camoflauge shorts.

It's just a matter of time

Before we start reading stories about people being called to Matt and Angelina's hotel room because it sounds like a wounded animal is dying, only to learn that those noises are just Angelina's love sounds. It's kind of like that scene in Porky's. I love the part in the article where they talk about their significant other's trust. That's a good one. Angelina should be trusted around eunuchs and people who have lost their ability to procreate in strange industrial accidents only. Enjoy the article:

Matt Damon has branded his love scenes with Angelina Jolie "weird".

Damon, who is close friends with Jolie's lover Brad Pitt, has admitted he found it difficult filming the steamy scenes.

He told US TV show 'Good Morning America': "Doing a love scene with the girlfriend of a good friend is weird. We all know each other."

Jolie, 31, revealed Pitt supported their scenes and even wished them luck.

She added to the program: "In reality both the people we're involved with couldn't have cared less about that because they know us. It's one of those things where it's like the least threatening person. You know, 'Good luck to you guys, I hope it's not too awkward.'

She added: "The difference between kissing Matt and kissing Brad is simple. One's a friend and one's my lover."

While Jolie was happy to kiss her lover's friend, she found it harder to play a character who was her complete opposite in real life.

She said: "I realized early on this was going to be the film where I am the weak victim."

Damon added: "In one scene she had to act so apologetic and just so unlike Angie."

In the film, Damon plays one of the first CIA spies and Jolie portrays his wife who is left crushed by his lies.

Fruity!

Satisfied with the way your body looks? Well stop lying to yourself and join Care Bear and VG in a January to Remember. For the whole month of January you can eat nothing but 1) Fruits, 2) Vegetables, 3) Chicken. This will also be accompanied by some evening hours physical activity.

I know this sounds rad so sign up now or be lame. Your choice, really.

-=Care Bear

Information I could have lived without...

Normally I find that the predilections of the famous are amusing and laughable, but this little nugget from the Howard Stern show is more than a little disturbing. He had Martha Stewart on the other day and here is a report of what she said:

Martha Stewart has a wild side. The TV queen made a guest appearance on the Howard Stern show last week, where she admitted to some juicy details about her personal life. Stern got the famous home decorator to admit she owns and uses a vibrator, called the Thumper.

Wow Miss Martha! She also said when she was in prison last year other girls would try and get her into some lesbian action, which she always declined.

I needed that mental image like I need my brain taken out of my head with a rusty hook. Look, whatever floats your boat, but now I have to ask questions like "What does this thing do to be called 'The Thumper'?" "Would that have been effective in her proposed dalliances?" or even "How powerful would it have to be to get Martha off?"

See, it just isn't pleasant is it?

Homer

DAMN DNA!!!

This story is just the kind of thing that we would have seen more if the Cold War hadn't ended before the genetics explosion seen on CSI Miami.

Homer

Indian woman runner fails gender test

Soundarajan won silver medal in 800 at Asian Games

The Associated Press

Updated: 5:15 p.m. MT Dec 18, 2006

NEW DELHI, India - An Indian runner who won a silver medal in the women’s 800 meters at the Asian Games failed a gender test and was stripped of the medal.

Santhi Soundarajan, 25, took the gender test in Doha, Qatar, after placing second.

The Indian Olympic Association said Monday it has been told by the Olympic Council of Asia that the 25-year-old runner was disqualified.

“IOA has asked the Athletic Federation of India to return the medal as desired by the Olympic Council of Asia,” the Indian Olympic group said.

The IOA also asked its medical commission to inquire into Soundarajan’s case and report within 10 days.

There are no compulsory gender tests during events sanctioned by the International Association of Athletics Federations, but athletes may be asked to take a gender test. The medical evaluation panel usually includes a gynecologist, endocrinologist, psychologist and internal medicine specialist.

An Indian athletics official who spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to the media said Soundarajan almost certainly never had sex-change surgery.

Instead, the official said Soundarajan appeared to have “abnormal chromosomes.” The official also said the test revealed more Y chromosomes than allowed.

Soundarajan was not immediately available for comment.

© 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16258993/

USA! USA! USA!

So this Miss USA thing has been very interesting to me. For those who don't know she is about to be stripped of her title for drinking, drugging, and whoring it up. If you look around the cultural landscape of America today, don't these activities make her the American ideal? I mean, just look at who we celebrate in our society and Ms. Conner is right there with them.

Oh, and she will be fired by that paragon of morals himself, Donald Trump. At worst, this allowed us to get that pre/post-op freak off of the top of the Vanblogger.

Homer

Filthy Gorgeous

Yes, that's a guy. -themo

scissor sisters - laura

Especially for by big sis, but for everyone to enjoy! - themo

SNL - Digital Short - A Special Christmas Box *Uncensored Ve

For those of you who may have missed it on Saturday... Not as good as Lazy Sunday, but...

Beatallica - I want to choke your band

I know that I've played some of these songs for Care Bear, but damn it, this is some of the most clever cover songs that I have ever heard. It just kicks the crap out of Dread Zeppelin. Although the name Tortelvis is fantastic. Enjoy the clip. If you want to hear their songs go to www.beatallica.org. The songs are free. **Lyrics NSFW (or kids)***

Homer

The Cremation of Sam McGee

This has to be my favortie poem of all time. However, this guy creeps me out. In fact I think he is the same dude that was trapped behind his poo wall. I can almost smell his breath, a mix of coffee and scotch. Enjoy.

Rosie Ching Chong O'Donnell

This slant eye makes some great points. -VG

Jesco White on Sloppy Eggs

#3

#2

Y'all about to get a lesson in Jesco!

If you want more info on Jesco White, Mountain Dancer, just ask. -VG

natalie portman- a classic

It's been a while since I've seen this. Hilarious.

atomic situp

Why does this strike me as something VG and Care Bear would do?? -themo

Never Enough

There are never enough pictures of Teri Hatcher out there. She is the new Mary Tyler Moore. I mean really, at one time she was a good looking woman. If she had just dealt with aging like a normal person, no one would be mocking her like this. Where can I sign up to have my face jacked up like that? It would be cool because at some point her eyes are going to be looking in totally opposite directions. Amazing. Anyway, there are a lot more of these out there, I just didn't have the heart to scare you all with more.

Homer

What you don't see:

What is missing from this picture, and I assume it is because it is just out of the frame, is the last tendrils of Sharon's sanity trailing along like a couple of starving African orphans. You know, like the one that Madonna stole. Anyway, if Sharon looked any crazier, she would be living in a Gingerbread house getting ready to eat her adopted kids, until they banded together to throw her in the oven like that woman on Thanksgiving.

What is really sad is that her craziness is going to cost her a shot at shooting Basic Instinct 3 where she snorts menopause drugs off of some guy's crank and she can expose her graying pooter to the world again. And you know, somewhere out there the script is already written.

Homer

If you hate laughing, don't watch this

Do yourself a favor and watch this whole video.

For themo

Apparently, themo was not 100% thrilled with the three Kate Beckinsale pictures that I posted last week, here and on my other blog. So in the spirit of fairness, I thought I would try to make it up to her. Here are today's pictures of one of themo's favorites: Jason Statham.

Homer

Orlando Bloom=Gay

And no, not in a happy festive way. Maybe that is why he has dated women who are either scary ugly or so skinny they resemble teen-aged boys. I have always thought this was the case, but I saw some paparazzi film this weekend of Orlando showing up to Tom Cruise's reception in a yellow bug. Apparently that is really his car, and as we all know, no straight man drives a new pastel yellow Volkswagen Bug. Sorry to let themo know about this because she does love her some Legolas.

Homer

I'll see your crazy no-condom-wearing guy and raise you with poop in a bag guy

MAN TRAPPED 4 DAYS

By FRANK RYAN

December 10, 2006 -- Police and firefighters yesterday rescued a Long Island man who had been trapped in his bedroom for four days after piling up a 7-foot-high mountain made up of bags of his own feces, jars of urine and other debris.

An officer responded to Charles Ruoff's dilapidated home in Centerport around 3:30 a.m. after receiving an anonymous 911 call asking police to check up on the 64-year-old veteran who hadn't been seen in days.

As he explored the house, the cop heard Ruoff calling weakly from a second-floor bedroom where he had walled himself in with a mountain of his own filth. He said he had been trapped since Tuesday.

The Centerport Fire Department freed Ruoff using heavy rescue equipment.

Ruoff was taken to the Veterans Administration Hospital in Northport where he was treated for dehydration, hypothermia, bedsores and general weakness, Suffolk County Police Commissioner Richard Donner said.

Just wear the damn thing

I was about to write about a recent assault in Canada where a woman set her boyfriend's penis on fire while he slept, but this article about an assault in Cambodia trumped it for some reason. I've never been to a brothel, nor can I really understand the appeal of using a prostitute, but you know what? You shouldn't have to be told to wear a condom when you are visiting one. This poor son of a bitch just couldn't do it. Maybe he likes the feel of recently used hooch, maybe he likes the HIV, I don't know but he'll probably offer to put one on next time. He's a big spender, I can see that. Maybe that's why he's paying for sex.

Enjoy

Homer

Man stabbed after refusing to wear condom

Associated Press
Dec. 11, 2006 10:33 AM

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia - A Cambodian man has been stabbed by a sex worker in a brawl, after he refused her request to wear a condom, police said Friday.

Suon Da, 25, was knifed twice in the abdominal area by Sa Rida, a 24-year-old sex worker, during the fight at a brothel in Battambang province Wednesday, said Koam Roeuy, a deputy police chief from the area.

Koam Roeuy said Suon Da had paid Sa Rida $1.20 to have sex with her. But after Suon Da repeatedly refused to wear a condom, Sa Rida gave up and left the room.

Suon Da chased after her, demanding his money back and slapping the woman, Koam Roeuy said. Sa Rida responded by stabbing Suon Da in the stomach, he said.

"The woman was trying to prevent the transmission of diseases such as HIV," Koam Roeuy said. "But now it will be up to the court to decide her fate after she inflicted injuries on another person."

Sa Rida remains in police custody pending possible charges against her. Suon Da is being treated at a hospital in Battambang province, about 155 miles northwest of the capital Phnom Penh.

Cambodia has an HIV infection rate of 1.9 percent for people aged 15-49, among the highest in Southeast Asia.

Comprehensive education campaigns, including widespread condom use in brothels, has helped reduce the infection rate from 3 percent in 1997,

according to the Cambodian government.

She never stops posing!

Ok, I'm starting a celebrity car crash list. On the top of mine would have to be this ho. There is never a picture of her where she's not posing. I can't watch her sing. Yeah she has a great voice, but I can only enjoy it on the radio because I'm so distracted by her mugging for the camera. Who's on the top of your celebrity car crash?

So was it like a Seinfeld episode

when they had to clean that limo out? I mean the stench of skank had to be overpowering. Either that or they just burned it before the HAZMAT team was called in. On a serious note, what the f- is wrong with these people? It's bad enough these sisters each are STD-riddled filth, but then they feel the need to combine them? Nasty. These two make the Barbi twins look like a couple of nuns.

Really smart nuns.

Homer

Frankenshred - Clips of Doom

Themo was asking me when she saw the last clip when these were filmed, needless to say she was stunned to learn that these were taped in March of 06. This is a clip of their best work, if you really want a laugh, check out their Myspace site. K-Rock, these are funny because this group takes themselves so seriously, but they are obviously a horrible Spinal Tap-ish joke gone awry. As always, enjoy!

Homer

Frankenshred

I never wanted to be the person who would just crap all over someone's dream, but God these guys suck. I just thought CareBear and VG would want a little taste of what is to come in February. As bad as this is, the reality is even worse.

Homer

Finally, a place for the Vanilla Gorilla to be a King Cobra, or a Mamba, or something

So I'm just browsing the net, just hanging out and trying to find objectionable pictures of people to post here on the Vanblogger and I came across this wonderful little article. It allows nearly all men to feel superior to someone, and next to these guys, maybe the VG would look like a can of soda. Enjoy that mental picture again and again. This is taken from the BBC News website.

Homer

Condoms 'too big' for Indian men

Damian Grammaticus

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.

It has led to a call for condoms of mixed sizes to be made more widely available in India.

The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre.

The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers.

The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

Doctor Chander Puri, a specialist in reproductive health at the Indian Council of Medical Research, told the BBC there was an obvious need in India for custom-made condoms, as most of those currently on sale are too large.

The issue is serious because about one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears, an extremely high failure rate.

And the country already has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation.

'Not a problem'

Mr Puri said that since Indians would be embarrassed about going to a chemist to ask for smaller condoms there should be vending machines dispensing different sizes all around the country.

"Smaller condoms are on sale in India. But there is a lack of awareness that different sizes are available. There is anxiety talking about the issue. And normally one feels shy to go to a chemist's shop and ask for a smaller size condom."

But Indian men need not be concerned about measuring up internationally according to Sunil Mehra, the former editor of the Indian version of the men's magazine Maxim.

"It's not size, it's what you do with it that matters," he said.

"From our population, the evidence is Indians are doing pretty well.

"With apologies to the poet Alexander Pope, you could say, for inches and centimetres, let fools contend."

dead feet

I don't think Paris needs any more people talking about her, and I'm as sick of her as the next internet gossip junkie, but what is going on with her toes? Creepy. - themo

ubu productions 1982

For some reason I thought this was comedy gold back in the day. -VG

Bowie Meets Crosby

It's not Christmas until you get a little of this magic...

Merry Christmas from the Van-dals

-VG

New blog...

As some of you know, I have another blog which I use when I feel that my topic is either inappropriate for the VanBlogger, or I am posting on here too much. If you want to check it out please do and comment away. I fixed the comment section so you don't have to register to comment, but if you are offended by pictures of Kate Beckinsale, don't bother.

The address is http://homershaven.blogspot.com

Homer

New Product

If anyone is looking for a last minute Christmas gift, check this out, it's an actual product and website from Norelco...http://shaveeverywhere.com/ -themo

The Messiah's Mansion

Nay and I have seen this place on our way to Target. It's on Power and Warner and it's totally awesome. After we watch the Ten Commandments we can go ahead and check out this place? Somebody down? For real. Let me know.
http://www.messiahsmansion.com/about_us.htm

themo's game addiction

Bingo Friday night anyone? Me and my crew are going.

Best of The Farting Preacher

Just to show RUSAVD and the rest of you just how irreverent I can be, I present to you The Farting Preacher. A fraud who's getting his come-uppance by being presented on the internet with fart sound effects. What's not to love?

Guy Love

This clip is a million times funnier than last week's episode. The only time I will only claim to enjoy "Guy Love." Ooh, I feel kinda dirty now.

Homer

10 Things I Hate About Commandments

For those of you who enjoy the psuedo-trailer as much as I do, this is the must-see, oscar-worthy, two-thumbs-up, best trailer so far this year.

Wait for Principal Firebush.

Prostitute Chic, it's amazing. . .

I know that the new Bond movie was supposed to be good, but what the hell happened to the fabled "Bond Girl?" In the past this term meant hot, exotic babes that Bond could just do his thing and leave in the name of the British crown, Teri Hatcher notwithstanding. But look at this skank that they are trying to foist off on an unsuspecting public. She looks like she is about three rungs down the prostitute ladder from Hillary Swank in her Pirelli Tire Calendar. The way she's just sprawling on that motel "comforter" suggests the HIV looks like it could be the least of her worries.

Homer

"Scary Mary"

Check out this video. If you dare. Some people have too much time on their hands.

Homer

Afternoon Delight

enjoy -themo

Designer fashion

I want to get this T-shirt to wear to Bingo. -themo

So What is the Proper Etiquette?

So themo and I are watching television last night. There was nothing but crap on, of course, but Van Helsing was on TNT. Earlier in the day Underworld was on and both movies prompted the following conversation:

Themo: What is this?
Homer: Van Helsing/Underworld, it is/is supposed to be pretty bad.
Themo: But it's okay if Kate Beckinsale is in it right?
Homer: (Shrugs)

And after a few minutes, the channel gets changed. So my question is, at what point is watching a movie like that just spank-bank storage and cheap voyeurism? How long is it acceptable to have that movie on? What is the proper etiquette for that situation? And at what point are you sleeping on the couch?

Oh yeah, I'll totally own the fact that I'm a pig, but I don't want to piss themo off. She'll kill me in my sleep.

Homer

All is (NOT) Well.

For a real laugh, wait until about 3:28 into this song...I think Clay is going through puberty. He sounds like poor Peter Brady...

Biff's Question Song (Stand-up Comedy)

Everyone's a comedian, but this is especially true for Biff from the Back to the Future trilogy.

I don't know if I'd have any questions for Tom Wilson, but if I ever met Michael J. I'd ask him, "What's shakin'?"

A flash from the past...

I love love love this. George Michael pre-grooming fit, Bono pre-blowhard, the absolutely great Paul Young, and a little Phil Collins thrown in for the mo's delight. It always gets me in the Christmas mood, for real. Enjoy!

I Know This is Supposed to be Sexy

Every year this legendary Pirelli calendar comes out with these famous actresses and models, and each year they release "arty" images that look like they were shot in a Motel 6 with a three dollar hooker. I mean Hillary Swank has a fantastic body, but just look at these pictures. If she looked any trashier she would be Brittney Spears. If I went to someone's house and they had these pictures on their walls, I would really try not to touch anything for fear of some strange communicable disease. I'm sure you can look for more of these pictures online if you haven't sated your desire for pictures of cheap prostitutes.

Homer

Living in a Japanese Basement

until you are 35 must not bring shame to your family if you can do this. I mean really now, how long would it take to be able to do this, and why? I guess he's pretty talented, but at least we know he's not out buying girls panties out of vending machines. Yet.

Homer

I wonder if they lived in a gingerbread house

with candy cane trimming to try to lure in unwary children for their nefarious schemes. It is a heartwarming tale of the true meaning of Thanksgiving. I cannot even think of anything to add. Enjoy!

Homer

Man allegedly tries to force wife into hot oven

Associated Press
Nov. 30, 2006 04:43 PM

CONYERS, Ga. - A man has been arrested after allegedly trying to force his estranged wife into an oven on Thanksgiving in front of their five children.

Martin Luther Jackson, 31, of Decatur, has been charged with aggravated assault, aggravated battery, cruelty to children and possession of marijuana after the Nov. 23 incident, said Sgt. Jodi Shupe of the Rockdale County Sheriff's Office.

Jackson and his 29-year-old wife, who have been separated since July, have five children ranging in age from 1 to 13 years old, Shupe said. Jackson apparently started fighting with his wife after she and the children returned to their Conyers home on Thanksgiving.

At one point during the fight, Jackson allegedly attempted to stuff his wife inside the kitchen oven, which had been left on to heat the house, Shupe said. The woman escaped and went to the sheriff's office with visible head injuries, Shupe said.

Investigators found Jackson hiding under a bed at his mother's house in Decatur, where he had been living since the separation, Shupe said.

How I Lost My Baby Weight

I don't have to say a thing.

-=Nay