I've found something to replace my fear of midgets

I submit, for The 2007-2008 VanBlogger Awards, this video for Hella Creepiest.

-=Nay

Mr Show - The Pre-Natal Pageant

Maybe Miss Teen South Carolina didn't start early enough.

U.S. Americans and The Iraq

She's doing this for the scholarship, right? She's heard that there's an opening at Bright Horizon's Daycare.

K-Rock

As promised...

Is he in on the joke?

Don't be tempted to stop watching...you have to watch the whole song. It gets progressively more dramatic and crappy. It really makes me wonder if he is just f'ing with us.

Let's DAAAAAAAAAANCE!

So word on the street is that "they're" working on remaking footloose and casting Zac Efron as Ren. Before you get too pumped up about this, think about the times we're in. The music of Footloose represented the pop music of the time. Probably a huge reason it was so successful. The pop music of today (Fall Out Boy) will not work with the movie. They'll either have to use
A) The same songwriters they use for High School Musical
B) The same music from footloose and make it a campy 80's throwback
C) Or they'll have to change the setting altogether.

Either way. Crap. Thoughts?

Classic!

how about these pants?

I think I'll have a starburst.

does this jumper make me look fat?

I know most of you are going to hate me for posting this...

and Care Bear is going to lament the greatness of Hank and Honkey Tonk, but Bob Wills is still the king!You have got to admit that the Texas Playboys were kick ass! -VG

Midget Cure

Much to Nay's dismay the Nazi's eugenics programs failed to clean the world of those pesky midgets. Look at this picture and the translation. Wow.



"This person suffering from hereditary defects costs the community 60,000 Reichsmark during his lifetime. Fellow German, that is your money, too."

However, not too long ago, Homer made this comment:

Homer said...
Nay will be excited to know that there is a cure to being a midget (although there always has been one and it has to do with some bandsaws, 2x4s, and nails), but I'll have to try it to believe it.
6:02 AM, August 14, 2007

It reminded me of something I saw on TV. I couldn't find the kid I saw the program on, but I did find this story. Enjoy! Think of it... no more midgets. Now if we could only do something about those damned American Indians...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4242093/

A Busboy in the Restaurant of Life

You all know I have crazy fears. LPs, scary eyes, driving at night, skinwalkers, little girls with unnaturally long hair... But the root of all these fears is Death. Death by Little Person, Death by Skinwalker, Death by long-haired, scary-eyed girl etc. I can't even IMAGINE how I'd react to a prank like this being pulled on me. I'm pretty sure I'd take my ICEE and Doritos and run like hell, but it's probably even more likely I'd just pee my pants and cry.

-=Nay

Crazy Asians!

I can't fathom how long this took to figure out, let alone perform. Apparently there isn't much to do in Tokyo when Godzilla isn't smashing it.

Homer

"F" The Napkin!

Just for fun, to always remind us of those ancient mystics. Remember, their messages are hewn into that living rock.

Homer

Greg Giraldo-Roast of Flava Flav (Uncensored)

This one beats Kimmel, in my opinion....I'll try to fin Lisa's and add it, too...

I tivo'd this and it was hi-larious.

K-Rock

1983 All-Star Game - National League Lineup

Liam thinks Uncle Care Bear looks like Glen Hubbard. This is when baseball still kicked ass. The AL was the NL's bitch forever! -VG

Flava is the Reason George Bush Hates Black People

If you haven't seen this, make sure you are around people who can appreciate ass-kicking comedy. Jimmy Kimmel shows some serious sack, I'd say he could even be a VanBlogger. Enjoy the clip.

Homer

Edit: I fixed the link, hopefully it stays up for a while.

A Big Middle Finger

Should be extended to these two tools. I am so disgusted with the actions and antics of these a-holes that it is difficult to discuss rationally. They actually photoshopped Wolfgang Van Halen into the cover art of the first Van Halen album on their website. Themo has always wanted a husband who didn't obsess over Van Halen, well she has her wish. They can go straight to hell.

Homer

Bran Halen

Van Halen made the news today. Oh boy. It made me feel for Homer because I think most of us think of him whenever we see Van Halen news. It reminds me of how glad I am that the Beatles called it quits and, for the most part, didn't fall in to the "reunion" trap. Below you will see a picture of the Beatles at one of their last photo sessions. Look at those fellas!

Now look at this recent picture of the new and "improved" Van Halen.

Now normally, whenever a Rolling Stones fan would find out I was a Beatles fan they start an argument of why the Stones are so much better. It's a pointless argument, because what does it matter and how would you ever measure that? Anyway, The argument usually comes to this: "Look at the Stones. They're still touring!" That's usually where I lose it. That's a lot like this. So what if Van Halen is hitting the road? Talk about a train wreck. I think the Van Halen of 1978 would cringe to hear or see what's going on now. What's worse, the fans are cringing. So with that, I offer you my condolences, Homer. Take solace in the words of John Lennon...

"We were just a rock band. You have all the old records if you want to reminisce."

Thought you might like to know...

In a cool, tasty beverage challenge Arizona Grapeade would kick Diet Cokes ass.

National Anthem meets Sexual Healing

Very strange - VG

Go See This Movie

I had read some great reviews, so we went and saw this last night. I doubt it will do well at the box office, but I think it will steadily build through word of mouth. Reviews called it "Shrek for adults" and "a new Princess Bride". Don't expect Princess Bride (we all love that movie and nothing will compare), but it is very good - creative, funny, original, witty, etc. GO SEE IT, you won't regret it!

When and where will...

the VanBlogger screening of this movie take place? Do not watch this around kids! Consider yourself warned.

Homer

If you don't know you had better axe somebody!!

-Bro. Boggs

Man with Tail !!!

This is weird enough to make you want to die. I'm sorry. I saw it and I don't want to be alone.

Excuse my beauty!

Kind of a funny COPS moment. Some good ol' one-liners.

Themo's Christmas Gift 2007

Themo and I were watching this here interweb and found this. Enjoy!

Homer

A thought from VG

Homer's new ringtone.

Great Video. Mother Nature kicks ass. This is real rock and roll.

A tribute...

I fully understand that I'm in the minority here when I say that Mr. Bean is hilarious. So, with that in mind, I propose the following.

Finish these sentences: To much Mr. Bean is like...

If I had a dollar for every time Mr. Bean...

I would like to see Mr. Bean....

God bless Mr. Bean because...

From the one and only Vanilla Gorilla

A little bit of English Humor

There are dozens to choose from. I pick this one for the relatable subject matter, and the booger joke.

beastie boys/elvis costello

This may be only cool to me and VG... but it's still outrageously bad ass. Admit it.

The King of Cool

Granted the VG's circumcism was still healing in December of '77 when this went down but I happy to pledge my support for EC. I can't imagine following music in the late 70's and having to choose bewteen Captain and Tineal and John Denver tunes.

A little bit of english hummer

I through this was clover.

Bandwagon Jump!

This is everywhere I know, but damn, it sure is fun to laugh at the poor sap who experienced this. Bonus points for including the douche bags in the audience taking their shirts off and going crazy.

Homer

You have to watch this to the end!

-VG

Anchors Away

Apparently, Homer is not so much a fan of Rick D'Amico. This is not surprising, considering Homer's distate for the Christmas Fox 10 jingles. And when I say distaste, I mean that it's obvious that he requires a great deal of restraint to not throw his Diet Coke at his bigscreen when "Sleigh Bells Ring..." starts up. I think the only thing that stops him is his love for Diet Coke.

So I guess we know who would be in Homer's Psuedo-Celebrity Helicopter Crash (new game!!). Who is in yours??

My vote, by the way goes all the way to the Kirkpatrick herself. It'd be rad if she'd have to share her death with Beverly though. That would piss her off SO bad...

-=Nay

P.S. Nobody said the VanBlogger was in good taste. If you think this is a new low, you should have seen the post I almost put up a week ago.

Daily Motivation

Just 'cause...

"Whenever I get dumped (by a girlfriend), I nail the door shut so that no one can come inside, get a towel and clip it around my neck so it's like a Superman cape, take off my shoes so I can slide across the room, and...get a fake mic, like a celery stick or a pen, and I play any record that features the vocalist Ronnie James Dio. And you can just pretend you're Dio, because on every album he does, he has minimum one, usually three, *EVIL WOMAN LOOK OUT!*- songs."

"The ones who don't do anything are always the ones who try to pull you down."

"When you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive."

"I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride."

"If you hate your parents, the man, or the establishment, don't show them up by getting wasted and wrapping your car around a tree. If you really want to rebel against your parents: outearn them, outlive them, and know more than they do."

"Want a good body? Work at it. Want to be a success? Work at it. Want to be truly exceptional? Be a touch insane... You need a little bit of insanity to do great things."