Give me da gol'! I wan' da gol'!

Luis's Last Stand

It is usually the rule here to be snarky and mean (I know we have to work with what we do best), but today I am feeling sad. Luis Gonzalez is about to commence his final homestand as an Arizona Diamondback. He is by all accounts just a great guy, and while I believe that it is a good baseball decision to let him go, it still sucks. This is just a stupid little post to say good-bye. By the way, a very cool little story in the Republic today about how Jerry ended up with the ball Luis hit to win the 2001 World Series.

Homer

Oh My...

For those of you who haven't seen him in a while, this is Clay Aiken. He's sporting a new mop top to show his "edgy" side - I think it's quite lovely, no?

Yikes!

She never looks good, but this is a whole new level of scary! - themo

Ka-Kaw, Ka-Kaw!

I want this shirt. This can be the official shirt of the VanBlogger. Gob rules.

Homer

And the winner is.......

I know this is like kicking a sick dog while they are they are digging the grave at the pet cemetery, but this picture of Tara Reid shows what the winner would look like if they ever had a tore-up, crack-head beauty pageant. Wait a minute, maybe she should replace Buck Wild on Flavor of Love 2. Or maybe she could play the lead in that Showgirls show. Or maybe she should just go away.

Homer

Madtv Survivor

This one is for K-Rock

Homer

Knight Rider - Outtakes

If you have ever wondered what it would be like to hear the Hoff curse KITT, click here.

Homer

I'm a gold medal winner damn it!

Remember when Oksana Baiul was just a little waifish drunk Russian orphan who could skate? Yeah, it was a long time ago. I'm not sure what she is doing now, but this recent picture suggests that she hasn't laid off of the bottle. Whether the bottle is cheap vodka or self-tanner. Care Bears and a leather face is a perfect combination for a Russian prostitute, don't you think?

Homer

Roids? I don't take no stinkin' roids!!!

Courtesy of K-Rock...

The Guitarist

Wow. Look ma, no hands!

Edit: Apparently you have to click the screen again to go to YouTube.com to see the video.

Homer

Culture comes to Sin City

I was browsing the blogosphere (what a terrible word and concept) when I ran across this:

Joe Eszterhas is a glutton for punishment. Famous for writing such cinematic gems as "Basic Instinct," "Jade," and "Sliver," Eszterhas is now reportedly hoping to turn his most titillating work, "Showgirls," into a musical. The film, which was supposed to make Elizabeth Berkley a star instead of a punchline, did succeed in raising the bar in the 'its-so-bad-it's-good' category at Blockbuster. "Glitter, "Gigli", and "Catwoman" send their thanks. Despite the fact that the camp classic bombed at the box office when it was released in 1995, Eszterhas is now looking to take his ode to all things tacky and topless to Vegas. Barring a minor miracle, the "Showgirls" musical is destined to recreate it's celluloid fate on the Sin City stage. One thing the show does have going for it, according to New York magazine, is that Eszterhas hopes to resuscitate Nomi Malone with the help of producers from the musical "Urinetown."

I know that all of those classically trained, experienced actors and actresses in Vegas are just dying to get their break playing in this crapfest, but I think that the producers would do well to wait for the latest ladies eliminated from Flavor of Love to star in this. It would be a step up for them, and a major break for the people who work the marquee. They would only have to put up names like Nibbles, Precious, and BuckWylde. Either that or they could hire Elizabeth Berkley away from her job of scoring crack for Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.

Homer

We have a Winner!

No one, but no one, beats my baby daddy - Oded Fehr.

Something for Themo

Just a little something for my significant other. She's a good sport.

Homer

I want in

How about Rachael Leigh Cook knitting in a vintage t-shirt? Unbeatble. Simply unbeatable.

-Care Bear

Raised?

Nay,

I didn't know we were playing a game, but I certainly don't believe that picture raised mine at all. After all, it was Kate AND a Diet Coke. Better than chocolate and peanut butter, but since you clearly think that it was a statement of some sort, I'll play along.


Homer

World's Best Ukulele Player

This is pretty crazy. When I think of Ukuleles I think of Don Ho, but this guy is amazing.

Homer

I see your Kate and raise you an Ewan

Is that the game we've started playing Homer?

Mmmmm.......Diet Coke

There is no real reason for this post, but Diet Coke and Kate Beckinsale are both definitely okay. Oh yeah, I had to push the Manimal and the Scrotum guy down off the top of the page, it was too disturbing. Yeah, that was it...

Homer

Could this be Vivica Fox in a couple of years???

A picture like this is a bold statement I know, but since very few people are actually looking at this site anymore I thought I'd get your attention. This is a picture that has made the rounds of the internet over the years, but I saw it again and it just cannot be helped. I don't know what is most disturbing about this work. I'd say it is the eyes, but that just downplays the rest of this trainwreck. I'm sure she didn't wake up one day and decide to become a sideshow freak, but this picture should be standard viewing at any respectable plastic surgeon's office.

Not as cool as a Borat-style testicle shot, but nightmare inducing nonetheless.

Homer

Are you ready to party?

Because this... guy? is! But before we start bumpin' the Kid n' Play, there are a few ground rules:
1) We gonna do this sucka again.
2) If you can't claim #1 stunna status, don't bother showin' up
3) Don't bring NONE of that rainbow bright junk up in this piece.
4) Maximum scrotal manipulation REQUIRED
5) Eye makeup REQUIRED
6) Never, EVER stop in the middle of a ho-down.

Maybe she misunderstood what you do there?

Our dear Paris told Ryan Seacrest that she was risking others' lives on the road, not because she was drunk (she only had one margarita, after all), but because she really wanted In N Out Burger. This should absolutely hold up in court, although she may be asked to attend Burgerlovers Anonymous meetings for at least one month after her sentencing.

-I'm Paris, and I love red meat.
(All)-Hi Paris.

Why is this worthless sack of poo still around? (This message has brought to you by Chick-Fil-A and Nay)

Steve has gone to his "Happy Place"

-themo

Look out George Clooney!

Despite the fact that Julia Roberts continues to inspire fear in small children and makes compulsive gamblers reach for their daily tip sheets, people still don't get that she is evil and infects everyone around her. Just ask her husband's ex-wife. Anyway, check out what prolonged exposure to Julia did to former co-stars Mel Gibson and Dustin Hoffman:




That's right, one of them is walking around with a bag on his head and the other is a raving anti-Semite who looks like he is channeling Saddam. I guess we can look forward to Anthony Garcia and George Clooney going on a cross-country killing spree together looking to blot out the pain. Oh well, I guess we can hope that someone will convince her that a project with Flava would help her career.

Homer

R.I.P.

Ahh, Steve, we'll miss you.

Steve Irwin

Homer

Apache part 4

This is my favorite song on Missy's most recent album "The Cookbook". I highly recommend it. Anywhoo, she uses the song throughout, but on this video the actual song doesn't start until about 1:19...but the stuff before it is good, too.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CvNS_GtqL4

Apache

Another version courtesy of VG...

The Apache Dance

When Homer showed me that video, I immediately though of this dance from Fresh Prince. Dad knows it as "the Carlton show"

Apache

Hands down the greatest video in the history of the world. Feel it's power.

Homer