Shameless Stunts for Attention

Britney has got to put some damn panties on - I'm sick to death of hearing about this every day. Seriously, she's making K-Fed look like the one with class....

K-Rock

Michael Scott in Money Magazine

Michael Scott

Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Paper Co.

Avoid a Staff Mutiny (With Chocolate, if Necessary)

(As imagined by Greg Daniels, executive producer, and Paul Lieberstein, co-executive producer, of NBC's The Office) Every day someone stops me on the street or in a coffee shop or a magic shop, and they want to know how to motivate their staff! Fantastic, I tell them! Then I tell them there's this old saying, "You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. It will only drink if it's thirsty." I think that while at one point that may have been true, in today's fast-paced business climate, that no longer holds water!! Of course you can make a horse drink. If it doesn't drink, whip it. The horse will understand that you mean business, and it'll start gulping down a ton of water. Now, luckily I don't have to whip my employees - they worship me - plus they drink plenty on their own. Ergo, love. Fantastic! The three keys to motivating your staff are love (positive reinforcement), fear (negative enforcement), and chocolate (chocolate reinforcement).

Nowadays I find chocolate and/or chocolate-based snacks to be great motivators. Everyone loves chocolate. If someone has a lot of work to do, put a piece of fudge in a glass container (so they can see it) and let them know that if they accomplish their tasks, they can eat the fudge. You'll definitely get a reaction!

What's it come down to? Attitude! I teach my workers a "yes, let's get it done!" way of thinking, whereas without me they would think, "OK, I'll do it, but I'd rather just watch TV and do it later." I'm behind that. I'm helping them make life better and better, with no limits! The future is theirs and mine! I believe so much in the future that I invest exclusively in "futures." In fact, you can't invest in "pasts," they don't offer that. I've checked.

There's a saying, "As goes paper, so goes the paper business." You've heard of supply and demand. Well, paper demands that I do my job or I am fired. That's been said to me. And that's a good thing: It's called a warning, and we should heed the warning signs of a downturn. Or an upturn. The point is, motivation is business, and that's fantastic. Business is the backbone of the economy, and those who say otherwise are incorrect or lying to your face. If it weren't for business, this country would probably have another depression, only this one wouldn't be so great.

Caption that photo

I saw this picture on metadish.com yesterday and fell in love with it. Unfortunately, I am kind of at a loss what to say about this freak, other than she is making her husband's affair with a porn star look like a massive step up in the world. I thought it would be fun to have a little contest to see who could come up with the best caption for this photo. Winner gets chocolate.

I'll go first:

"Damn, Brittney either needs to put Paris back to work or get Lindsay back so she can suckle her other teat"

In other fun photo news, this one is for Gassy. I know you liked the TMZ picture, so here is another. She is just scary now (and has been for years).


Homer

Kid Rock = Sherlock Holmes

So I'm sitting here yesterday, just reading the mindless gossip sites trying to feign interest in yet another picture of Brittney's "babymaker" as one site put it, when I learned some of the reasons why Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson are divorcing. According to one site, he flipped out after seeing the Borat movie. Here is the quote:

"Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' - in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing.

Pamela Anderson is a slut and a whore? What was his first clue, do you think? The Borat movie? The hep shots he had to get? The Valtrex in the medicine cabinet? The fact that she dated Scott Baio? Kid Rock must be some kind of detective savant. I mean anyone could have missed the clues, even Holmes wasn't perfect, but Kid was able to cipher it out without the help of others. If this music thing doesn't work out, he can always get work as a mall security guard or something.

Homer

Demi Moore - Crusader

So Demi has had it huh? I guess she just needs to look fondly back at her Oscar-worthy work in Striptease and Charlie’s Angels and wonder why all of the good roles for older women go to that bitch Judy Dench. Here is the article from azcentral.com:

Demi Moore has slammed Hollywood for the lack of roles available to older actresses.

The 44-year-old star has blasted filmmakers for making women believe their careers are over once they turn 40.

She fumed to Britain's OK! magazine: "For many female actors who turn 40 it means the end of their career, its time to retire. There aren't that many good roles for women over 40.

"A lot of them don't have much substance, other than being someone's mother or wife. If we are told we are not valuable once we hit 30 it is a problem."

The 'Bobby' actress - who is married to 28-year-old Ashton Kutcher - has urged middle-aged actresses to prove their big screen abilities to the major studios.

Demi said: "We all have more to give. We can't just bend over and wait for something to happen. We have to say, 'I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!' "

You know, now that you think about it, Demi has the potential to be the next Gloria Steinem, or maybe the next self-important psuedo-celebrity to open their pie-hole to complain about how hard it is to be them. She should just shut the hell up, thank her plastic surgeon for keeping her relevant, and have money fights with Ashton before she gives him a glass of milk and puts him to bed.

Homer

Nothing like blackface footage to contain a scandal...

Since Care Bear likes black-face, I thought this was not only timely, but fun as well.

Homer

Arrested Development - The Chicken Dance Collection

I know that I have posted these before, but this is a compilation, so it is like it's new. Again, one of the great television shows ever.

Homer

猩猩遇到蛇

WTF!!!

The 5th VanAusdal

From the one and only - Vanilla Gorilla

Lets hear it for the boy kids incorporated

Looking at the SBTB videos has got me thinking back to that great Sunday morning stand-by, Kids Incorporated. This clip is great for a few reasons: classic Footloose song, Martika, Fergie, Tootie on the keyboards, and the older boy in the group who barely gets to sing at all - maybe he didn't want to hear about the damn boy.

K-Rock

Saved by the Bell: Brokeback Style

The Angry Ninja

You asked for it.

Well worth sixty bucks

I don't care what you think about Disney, they know how to do a fireworks show. Yes, it's 17 minutes long, so I would suggest fastforwarding to about 6:30, where Indiana Jones, Haunted Mansion, Pirates, and Star Wars begin.

The Office - Free Love

Classic - themo

What you want, a cookie?!

Another great The Office clip. -themo

Hot Sundae!

I found another Saved by the Bell nugget for my hubby (a closet SBTB fan) - themo

slater dance

I know this guys supposed to be some kind of boy wonder, but wow, how GAY! -themo

Really bringing sexy back

Since themo cannot get here youtube clip to stay working, it falls to me to bring sexy back to the Vanblogger. Ladies, don't hate on her because she has soo much estrogen in her body, just accept the fact that you will never measure up to her. Guys, I'm not sure you should look, but it's probably too late. My question is what purpose is the bikini top really serving here? I know the bottom is holding her penis in, but the top? Arnold has bigger boobs, but he still goes topless in public. This one could have been in the Halloween countdown, but it is too recent. Enjoy!

Homer

When they were kings...

One thing I am grateful for is youtube.com. It allows me to forget for just a minute or two that two that at least two of these guys are now insane. Forget the fashion atrocities being committed here, and revel in the power of the greatest rock band of the era. Twenty-five years is a long time ago. Just pray that they will come to their senses and stay home next year.

Homer

Johnny Cash Tribute

cameo list...bono, justin timberlake, kanye west, jay-z, johnny depp, iggy pop, chris martin, kate moss, rick rubin, anthony kiedis, flea, chris rock, patty smith, sharon stone, terrence howard, q-tip, adam levine, sir peter blake, sheryl crow, dennis hopper, woody harrelson, amy lee, tommy lee, dixie chicks, mick jones, shelby lynne, travis barker, lisa marie presley, kid rock, keith richards, kris kristofferson, billy gibbons, corinne bailey rae, graham nash, brian wilson, owen wilson... - themo