For Gassy

As well as for all others who love Arrested Development. Here is why Franklin and Gob would have something to say. My name is Judge!



And here is some classic Gob just for fun.



Homer (just trying to match Gassy's Youtube skillz)

Mac Beautiful

I love watching Happy Slip. Her name is Christine and she is on YouTube and Revver and she also has her own website at happyslip.com. She is a nurse in her real life and makes these vids that are super cornball and I love them. The kids love them too. Just wanted to share one of our favorites.



Also, I think my next computer is going to be a Mac. Just because I heart happy slip.

Gassy

Sober as a Judge?

I saw this picture and after I regained my vision, my first thought was I wonder what Gob and Franklin would say about this?

Homer

Never mind the smell

of jizz, it's probably just the Oscars. Is there any "event" that is more unwatchable than the Oscar broadcast? It is the most tedious, self-congratulatory four hours plus known to man. If four hours is the threshold for a painful erection from Viagra, where does the Oscars rate on the pain scale? There is no entertainment value other than the obligatory "What were they thinking?" moment when some clueless attendee wears something stupid. The crap that they pad this ceremony with is simply unwatchable, from a sound effect chorus to montages that are laughable in their pretentiousness.

Whose idea was it to broadcast this tripe initially? As a group, movie actors are the most overpaid and underwhelming groups that exist on this planet. At least athletes have a skill other than lying. Think about it, all of those pretentious drama geeks that needed beatings in high school because they annoyed everyone with their "art" are the same losers that are celebrating in this little circle jerk. These people would have to be double jointed to enjoy themselves any more than they do at the Oscars, and this telecast is only the worst of the offenders. There are a whole slew of award shows and ceremonies whose entire existence is predicated on the idea that actors need recognition as being the best. Good for you, drama geek, you are still the insecure junkie you were before you "made it."

The worst part is that we buy into this crap. It has become a social event, reaching far beyond the entertainment news to "legitimate" news outlets, like this is important to anyone. Unfortunatley, the only way to relegate this garbage to the Bravo network is for society to treat this like the uninteresting, uninspired trash it is and not watch. But then again, if that were the case, and we stopped fawning over celebs, then how would I know when Brittney tries kill another SUV? And damnit, I NEED that!

Homer

P.S. The Basic Instinct 2 picture is included because it swept the Razzies, a celebration of horrible movies. That is something I can get behind (although it has taken me months to get the "Dirty Grandma" vibes that the movie gave me out of my mind).

Do you smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllll

what the Rock is cooking!

I have been thinking about this lately...

Steve Nash is Pistol Pete's bitch.

The Simpsons Movie

The trailer says that this was 18 years in the making, but really it is about 13 years too late. I guess the only hope is that without the 22 minute time constraint, they can avoid their new habit of using the quick one-line dick or fart joke. Hopefully this can actually be funny.

Homer

Multi-Dimensional

It is good to know if the basketball thing didn't work out for Shaq, he could have made a living dancing on street corners for tips. I know I would have thrown a nickel his way, but I would have hoped it would have been used for anti-seizure medicine.

Homer

What's the over/under

for how long before RayJ or JRay, or whatever the hell his name is shits on Whitney in some bizarre, crack-induced sex session. I mean it's the next logical step from Kardashian and Whitney should be used to it, Bobby did it metaphorically for years, right? The fact that I know this kinda crap about people really depresses me sometimes.

Homer

Game of Wits

I love this movie, just wanted a little wittiness on the blog. Have a great holiday everyone.

Homer

***Stunned Silence***

There are no words.

Sir Mix-A-Lot was found dead this morning in front of his computer with a jar of vasaline and an empty kleenex box. A moment of silence please.

Homer

This lady is crazy.

Someone needs a little Midol.

Grown Man Cries Like A Bitch

I usually don't like the "Jackass" style stuff, frankly the amateurs just don't include enough of the Jackass homoerotic subtleties, but this is fantastic. Even the title kicks ass. Awesome stuff.

Homer

Star Wars Sword Dance

I happened on this one thinking at first that the super cheese value was reason enough to post. Then about halfway through I started wondering where I can sign Lemon up for classes that will teach her how to do this. It's pretty much awesome, and every one of these kids wil slice your throat, mid cowsill kick, if you try to tell them otherwise.

Star Wars Theme Live!

I too have been feeling the Star Wars vibe lately. It keeps the Lemonhead quiet, and for that, I love it. However, she's been wanting to hear the song basically nonstop, which can wear a little heavy on the nerves.

Thank goodness for The Tube, for offering alternatives like this one. More to come.

Star Wars

Lemonhead has been big in to Star Wars of late so my interest has been rekindled. I'm not sure how they got all these fools together for a photo shoot, but it's pretty cool.

The Beach Boys - TV Show Medley - April 1965

This makes me want to kick Mike Love in the face.

Another Ricky Gervais gem

Love the pantsuit, Ricky!

K-Rock

Ricky Gervais' 80s band "Seona Dancing"

Clearly, he's a David Bowie fan. Sad but true, I would have truly been crushing on him back in '84.

K-Rock

Introducing the best video ever

This dy-no-mite video is from Finland (the song is in phonetic English) and the dance moves are the absolute best you've ever seen!

What to Do with Your Dead Hooker

This is amazing. I never knew there were educational films for any scenario. VG, make sure you watch this before you go to Vegas again.

Homer

Themo would have loved this

if I could have found this for Valentine's Day. The subtlety is fantastic. Enjoy!

Homer

PoP! Goes My Heart -

Yes I know, I'm a fool. But this made up 80's song is my new favorite. 80's pop is by no means dead.

(Loving the dance moves in the hospital scene)

Ladies and Gents Junior Brown

Let's set the record straight

I'm going to be honest with y'all. There's never a time I feel more like a man than when I'm taking a piss at work. I'll stand there with my warm junk in one hand while picking my nose with the other. It's the best 90 seconds of my day. -CB

Food Porn

Because I was hungry. Or else just because.

Homer

The Little Willies (Norah Jones) - Roly Poly (live)

Norah Jones rocking some Bob Wills. Much respect.

Texas Playboys

Damn Texas Swing is cool!

Did any of you see this??

I was looking at some old stuff on Superfish (just trying to catch up on old crap) and saw this about Cisco Adler:

http://thesuperficial.com/2007/02/mischa_barton_and_cisco_adler_2.html

There is a link there to a WAY NSF picture of him and I actually clicked the link ...and.... my eyes are still burning. If anyone has the guts to go there please do and let me know if that is anatomically possible.

Here is the direct link to the NSF pic (WARNING!!!!!):

http://thesuperficial.com/imagen.php?path=/2007/02/cisco-adler-nude-balls.jpg

I am going to go put Clorox in my eyeballs now to see if that will help.

~Gassy

p.s. sorry the links don't work and you have to copy and paste. Stupid blogger.com.

Meet Nigel

WOW IT'S THE JOKER

The funny thing was people were counting down the days until they were "legal," but now I think we are all counting down the days until one of them goes Karen Carpenter on us. I think you could jam a pole up her ass and scare birds away for months, or at least until the producers of the next Batman movie fires Cameron Diaz and needs a new Joker.

Homer

Twins

The magic is in the teeth.

Why Terrorists Exist

You'd think that John Kennedy died or something. What the hell is this? On CNN.com they have the above information. "Charmed us"??? If by "charmed" you are referring to how consistently retarded she was. I'm only sad because I don't know who will ever be able to fill those crazy shoes. Further down on CNN there's a link "The Day Anna Nicole Died". Wow. Do you remember where you were? Yes. Because it was yesterday. I was at work getting pissed that she was getting enough face time with her death.

Apparently business is slow

I know we've covered Oksana Baiul here on the vanblogger before, but damn it folks, pimping yourself out as a Russian whore just isn't paying like you would imagine. Poor Oksana cannot even manage to keep herself in her whore clothes anymore, she's just wearing her Wal-Mart bra and control top hose. Good for her for keeping a positive attitude, it must be all of the shoe-polish sandwiches eating her brain. They should show pictures of this freak to all parents who push their three year olds to be either gymnasts or figure skaters. Of course it wouldn't have helped this orphan. At least she was good for the glory of the motherland. Now she's just a cautionary tale, or at least good for five rubles a throw...

Homer

For VG

Here is a true drum genius. 12 years old. Enjoy!

Homer

Forget about the drums for just one second...

and listen to this feak show for a couple of minutes. This dude was totally craking me up. I forgot how crazy music teachers are.

Dirty Jokes.....

I saw some really foul jokes on a forum that I go to today and thought that we should have a dirty joke post. In order to keep the main page clean, post the jokes in the comments. The first one is for themo, there is no joke too disgusting for her, except maybe this one. Enjoy.

Homer

Rare Complete Nigel Tufnel solo

I love this, my favorite part is when he tunes the violin. Nigel Tufnel is a guitar god. I want to start a Spinal Tap tribute band called "The Really New Originals." CB and VG, are you in?

Homer

Paul Shaffer - When The Radio Is On

This is my new favorite song and video.

David Brent dance The Office

The best show ever

WTF?!

I'm jealous that I didn't think of this.

NBA Slam Dunk 2005 Contest - Amare Stoudemire

He didn't jump 66 inches, but this is too cool. The best assist in dunk contest history. And of course it was from Steve Nash.

Homer

66 Inch Jump by Adrian Wilson

Being a Cardinal hasn't killed Adrian Wilson's spirit. That skill could come in handy when he's trying to cash his checks and Michael Bidwill is trying to keep him away from the bank.

Homer

Why don't I ever have this kind of luck?

BRADENTON, Fla. (AP) -- A woman claims she found a razor blade in her McDonald's breakfast sandwich early Wednesday, and authorities interviewed people involved.

Carolyn Bovey, 54, who was not injured, said she ordered the sausage, egg and cheese McMuffin in the drive-thru of a McDonald's in Bradenton. She allegedly found the blade in the sandwich's eggs after biting into it at work, according to a police report.

A manager at the store told authorities that the restaurant uses razor blades, but it was unclear if they were the same type Bovey claims she found. It was also unclear what the blades were used for. The manager told authorities that the only way she could see the incident happening was if someone had placed an object above the cooking area and it fell in accidentally, a police report said.

Sheriff's Sgt. Mike Kenyan said he found a razor blade in the manager's desk that resembled the one found in Bovey's sandwich.

Restaurant owner Cynthia Kennedy said in a statement that the public should be wary of making assumptions about the incident.

"Absolutely nothing is more important to me than operating safe restaurants. We take great pride in the food we serve our customers and set rigorous standards for food and restaurant safety," Kennedy said. "We strongly caution anyone from jumping to conclusions without having all the facts."

Kennedy said through a spokeswoman that she does not know why loose razor blades would be in the restaurant. She added that the restaurant is cooperating with the Manatee County Sheriff's Office. She said she could not comment further because the investigation is ongoing.

"Why would anything like this be near a food preparation area?" Bovey told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. "That almost made me feel worse, that something like this could happen by accident. This should never have happened."

She said she feels like she slightly cut her lip and was talking to attorneys.

Seriously, why doesn't this kind of ish ever happen to me? I would love to find a razor blade in my egg mcmuffin (I eat enough of them) and then feel like I have slightly cut my lip so I can ride that gravy train all the way to a fat McSettlement. I think I need to hit up a drive thru in the morning...

Gassy