I want to party with these guys. ESPLOYD ENTO SPAEECE! =VG

Hopefully this works...

Super Sprayer - Funny video clips are a click away

I saw this video today... I have too much time on my hands, but apparently I am not nearly as artistic as this guy.

Homer

Petey Greene - How to Eat Watermelon

I concur Brother Greene

Da Condom Father is wearing a white hat

Posted by Nay. Game over. Internet wins.

I wonder if this guy's name is...

Little Kev'? It would be awesome!

Homer

Jimmy Kimmel on His Leno Appearance

Thinking of you CB

Last night CB said he was feeling a 18 and Life cover...looks like Humberto and Chico beat you to the punch.

YouTube Time!

Here are a few youtube videos that I liked... the first is Hitler reacting to the Conan/Leno fiasco:



Apparently this next video was created for Lost, Season 1:



Finally, a video of Marisa Miller getting all photographed, just to lament the alleged dissolution of her relationship with Victoria's Secret. Here's the secret they're hiding: they hate men enough to no longer employ Marisa Miller...



Homer

Grow a Pair

From Yahoo Sports: "If Brooking didn't want Minnesota to score then maybe he and his 10 teammates on the field should have done something about it. Just because the Cowboys quit doesn't mean the Vikings needed to also."

Word. No, in fact: Word up. I don't know why this stuff bothers me so much. But it does. For example, I've been trying for the better part of a month to beat Homer's Tetris Sprint time. But I'm getting raped so hard even the Pope would authorize an abortion. I'm in second place but I'm still getting beat by a full on MINUTE. It's obvious Homer has a handle on the crown. Should he let up and let me get closer? NO! I don't want to be within arms reach of Homer because he's LETTING me. I want to be within arms reach because I'm really closing in on him.

When Tetris Sprint gets opened up, I give my best and Homer gives his best. No punches pulled. You'd expect the same from professional athletes. Or you should.

C-Biscuit.

Single Ladies

I was talking to a few Vannies about these guys. Great version of this song.

The Anamika Diaries

Here's a little game...Google image "Anamika" and post your favorite pic.

- Vanilla Gorilla

Jimmy on Jay...in case you missed it.

This may have been Jimmy's finest hour since the Juggies jumped on trampolines on the Man Show.

Back.... to the Future!

Back by popular demand bitches!

We had a blog named VanBlogger
It died! It died!
We said we'd write regularly
We lied! We lied!
Why oh why is the hilarity dead?
Couldn't that Chrysler hit me instead?

-Nay (with apologies to Lisa Simpson)

I felt it was appropriate to repost this. Not to get all dramatic, but it is obvious that we aren't going to do this. It was fun. If you want some good laughs, go back and read some of this stuff. There were some fantastically funny posts. My favorite is when Axl Rose posted in our comments. It deserved at least one more GOB picture before fading away. See ya!

Homer

USA! USA! USA!

USA!USA!USA!

That’s right, Homer’s on the Olympic bandwagon still. Deal with it.

1. Michael Phelps – That’s right, suck it world.

2. China – I know that I’ve written some sarcastic shots about China, but the reality is that the government there has gone out of the way to present themselves as a modern industrial nation. Everything looks fantastic at first glance, but the longer people are there seeing what that regime is all about, the worse that it looks. It’s kinda like a stripper working in one of those roadside trucker joints. With the right lighting and make-up, it might look like a woman, but in the cold light of day, or a close inspection, you just aren’t sure. At least that’s what I would assume it is like. Either way it is more fun to write about strippers than it is to comment on a government that continually suppresses their people.

3. Oh, Canada – not only are getting their maple-asses kicked in the Olympics, they are really strange. Apparently there is a new Canadian porn channel that is promising to air at least 50% Canadian porn. According to the founders of this venture, Canadian audiences are tired of watching Americans have sex. I know that porn is a dirty subject and I’m sure I’m dealing in stereotypes here, but does anyone really want to see Canadians getting their freak on? If nothing else their accent will make the usually witty dialogue seem vacuous and trite. Oh well. This is my favorite quote from the article:

"I think as Canadians there is a bit of a tiredness in seeing all American stuff," Shaun Donnelly, president of Real Productions, said during an interview on Friday.

"There is always that thrill for something that is local and you get the sense that these are people you can meet at the supermarket."

Is this really why Canadians go shopping?

4. Chris Kattan – and his wife of 8 weeks are separating. I guess his ready supply of heroin has run out and she realized she married Chris Kattan instead of a talented member of SNL. Oh, that’s right there aren’t any anymore. My bad.

5. Guitar Hero – is apparently the new devil. Somehow I keep reading about some kid who dropped out of school to play Guitar Hero competitively. Let me wrap my head around this for a second. Okay, got it. My first response is to laugh and teach him the proper response to my order for no onions on my Whopper, but after more reflection I just want the boy, and the ineffectual parents who said it was okay, to try and live on the free value meals he is winning at his local events. Maybe starving would inspire a little more thirst for knowledge.

Homer

Bonus 5

1. The CGI Olympics? – C’mon China, I was down with you stealing and defiling the youth of a generation for the greater glory, but faking the opening ceremonies? What a crock. You know, if your smog is so bad that you can’t see fireworks, you might want to put more of your billions of citizens back to work in sweatshops to save on emissions. I’m so disillusioned, the next thing your are going to tell me is that that little flying elf was hanging from wires and not flying on the dragon wings of his ancestors. Damn it.

2. The Boss? – Isn’t he nearing mandatory retirement age? The hot rumor is that the NFL has hired Bruce Springsteen to play the Super Bowl this year. I know that they are trying to avoid another nipple incident, but shouldn’t they try to get an act that was popular this century? Prince rocked it in the rain, but Tom Petty and Bruce? Last I heard he was cutting his sets down to two and a half hours to avoid breaking a hip.

3. The Retards are angry – with the movie Tropic Thunder. Apparently the film features actors talking about taking handicapped roles in order to win awards. If I was Ben Stiller I’d be nervous, those angry little short-bus riders have super strength.

4. Brittney Spears – has been missing from the blog for a while, but she’s making a comeback. Well, not really, it’s her mom. Not only is she a murderer and a horrific parent, she has a new book coming out. Who knew she could read or write? Good for her, although I’m afraid of how much ghostwriting was needed to translate her monosyllabic grunts into coherent sentences and paragraphs. Whatever her ghost was paid, it wasn’t enough.

5. I've got nothing but this: watch the film and try not to chant USA!USA!USA!



Just kickass!

Homer

I Love This Picture

It takes blasphemy to another level. Which could be construed as a bad thing, but given the traffic here, I'm going to be okay. Since I'm going to hell anyway, here's another one that made me laugh. If you're inclined, find some of your favorites and post 'em up.





Homer

This Things I Believe 8/9

1. Bernie Mac – RIP, I just hope it wasn’t the hare-brained antics of that little sissy on his show that killed him. I was always hoping I’d see the Bernie Mac beat-down happen, but alas, it isn’t going to happen now.

2. Bejing – I know it is the Olympics, but you know this city is a shithole. I actually think it would be healthier to suck fumes straight from the tailpipe of a 1977 El Camino in need of a ring job than to breath the air in that city. And I’m sorry, the whole ‘running around the top of the stadium’ thing was pretty lame after some of the other stuff going on during the opening ceremonies. And tell Visa that this Go World crap has got to go. The chant needs to be USA! USA! USA!

3. John Edwards – Wait a minute, are you really telling me that a politician would cheat on his wife? With someone described as a ‘party girl?’ I’m stunned.

4. Shia LeBouf – Once he loses his finger, are more complex mathematical calculations going to be more difficult for him? I mean, he’s only going to be able to count by nines now, right? Poor bastard.



5. Gay Gaykin – So when is he legally obligated to check the female box on his driver’s license? It has got to be soon, I’d think. He’s about 2 minutes away from driving a mini-van and shopping for some more bon bons to eat while his soaps are on.

6. Catherine Zeta-Jones(Douglas?) – According to azcentral.com, Ms. ZJD was consulting psychics on the set of her latest film and utilizing their otherworldly powers to talk to the dead. This is not surprising as I think she is just getting ready for her husband to realize that he is, in fact dead. His corpse just doesn’t realize it yet.

Homer

Are You There God?

It's Me Homer, just asking you to please make the sores on Mike Myers' ass large enough to make him stop writing shitty movies. Seriously, another Austin Powers movie? Outside of Elizabeth Hurley and Heather Graham looking sexy onscreen, is there anything redeeming about these movies? I don't blame Myers, really, it is the studios who are so creatively bankrupt that they are willing to spend money on crap like this, knowing that it is going to suck harder than Patty Kirkpatrick before sweeps week. They'll eke out a profit off of people even more stupid than themselves (hard to believe but true), and eight years from now, they'll cobble together another Austin Powers script and do it all over again.

To borrow from Dennis Leary, how is it that Phil Hartman is dead and Mike Myers is still here? I'm sickened.

Homer

Back to Five

As baseball, and the first-place Diamondbacks, head into the stretch run, here are the five things turning over in my mind today.

1. I thought that I would do this in a separate post, but you know, every time I wrote something it came out creepy and kinda gross, so I just thought I'd throw my answers to the list question in the last post out here, in no particular order (I could only really come up with three, with photographic evidence):

A. Kate Beckinsale - C'mon, you knew this.




B. Megan Fox - Dumb? Probably. Distractingly hot? Yep.




C. Jennifer Connolly - Really, she is Megan Fox version 1 (or would Megan be Jennifer 2.0?), but smarter and prettier.




2. Amy Winehouse - is receiving blood deliveries at home. Funny how her being a cracked out vampire is actually a step up from her recent appearances. It would explain a bunch, but I guess I'll step up and volunteer to drive a stake in her heart. I can only hope that a stake would do the job, as I'm not convinced she's not a zombie at this point.

3. K-Fed - is getting $20,000 a month in child support to go along with primary custody of his kids. How is he going to make ends meet? Of course he does get about a quarter a month in record company residuals. PopoZao baby!

4. Tom Cruise - is going to continue our discussion of destitute celebrities. Apparently, Maverick is going to have to start considering taking film roles where he won't get his standard $20 million paycheck. How is he going to lure Xenu here back to earth without buckets of gold? I think I'll send him a shiny nickel, you know just to help him out.

5. Whoopie Goldberg - is now claiming that she has had over fifty lovers in her life. Excuse me while I throw up. Okay, I'm back now, I can only suppose that crack goggles are far more effective than beer goggles, because I would literally have to be comatose to not become violently ill at the thought of Whoopie and her gigantic vag (according to Sam Malone). A quick note: I saw Whoopie at a casino in Lake Tahoe about twenty years ago, she had her row of quarter slots cordoned off so no one could approach her. Hey Whoopie, if you are going to be such a cheap bastard, don't get all upset when a slot jocky wants to bum a smoke off of you, okay?