I see your you tube skills K-rock and raise you one...-VG

Charlie bit my finger - again !

This video is hilarious, plus you can't beat a little kid with a British accent.

K-Rock

Homer's Great Films #2

Old School



I’ve tried to write this post on Old School about twenty times. Each time it comes off like a bad freshman film student trying to impress his teacher (who invariably wears black, smokes cloves, and has an office filled with posters for 1950’s French films). They were trash. I’ll keep this simple: Old School is a great movie for three main reasons:

1. Frank the Tank – Still the single greatest role that Will Farrell has had. Frank is base, crude, and only one drink away from becoming a human Barney Gumble. Hell, his Trans Am was called the Red Dragon. His mournful adieu to Blue should be the only version of “Dust in the Wind” allowed to be broadcast in the United States.

2. Supporting Cast: Juliet Lewis, Vince Vaughn, Andy Dick, and Craig Kilborn: all fantastic. This might be the only role that Lewis has ever been good at: a dirty, sleazy sex-addict. The pledges and the Mitch’s co-workers were all perfectly cast as well.

3. Smart Script: Don’t mistake the ridiculous plot and genre for stupidity. The writing is clever and quick. Many of the jokes are played broadly, but that does not detract from the humor of the film. As Spinal Tap taught us, there is a fine line between stupid and clever and Old School walks that line expertly.

In the spirit of simplicity, I'll close by saying, Old School isn’t a classic slice of cinema, but it is a great damn movie.

This Things I Believe 6/19

1. Jennifer Aniston – needs the Garth Algar version of reality hitting her in the face. She allegedly did not want to appear on the cover of some magazine with Jennifer Connelly due to the fact that she (Aniston) needed to be the dominant ‘sexy’ one on the cover. Look, I get that Aniston standing next to Connelly is somewhat akin to Brittney Spears standing next to a steaming pile of shit. There is just no win for Aniston or Spears there, but that is no reason to deny the rest of the world more magazine covers with people who look like Jennifer Connelly. Someday Aniston will recover from being left by Pitt, it’s just not going to change the fact that her once cute shtick has been played and she just needs to go away and keep humping somewhat talented pseudo-elephant men like Vince Vaughn and John Mayer while keeping her eyes closed and pretending she’s still on television and it really is Brad on top.

2. Vegas – With the economy in the shitter, Vegas is complaining about their revenues dipping to $12.4 billion this year. Gee, that’s too bad. Does this mean that they are going to drop their room rates? Well, since the average room rate is down 4%, I guess that’s like asking if they will at least kiss you before you go to the tables. I don’t think that Steve Wynn is losing any of the gold his house is made of, but it is kind of nice to see that vice can take a hit in this economy too. Next thing you know Vegas will just be a town with six or seven bingo halls and a collection of rotting buildings. Kind of like the end of The Stand, but with more homeless whores. Well, that might be going too far.

3. Anne Hathaway – I’m seeing a lot of this freak lately, due to her involvement with the new Get Smart movie, and quite frankly she scares me a little. I still don’t get why she didn’t get the role of the Joker in the new Batman movie. She’d have been a shoe in; no acid bath scene or make-up for her face needed, it is all natural. I haven’t been that frightened by someone’s grille since, well, ever. Not even the Big Book of British Smiles is that horrific.

4. Megan Fox – apparently might be smarter than we gave her credit for, which admittedly wouldn’t be very hard. She has been seen without her engagement ring on, which can only lead me to the assumption that she figured out that her fiancé won it off of an eBay 90210 prop auction. Of course labeling either of these two pinheads as ‘smart’ is like calling the latest Larry the Cable Guy movie ‘engaging,’ or ‘witty,’ or ‘not as shitty as it could have been,’ well you get the point.

5. Tom Cruise – is on the downward slope. Finally. It has taken a remarkable convergence of events, but we are all going to be spared his tight, slightly homicidal grin when he tries to pretend that everyone on the set of Mission: Impossible 4 just loved his contribution to the Human Fund in lieu of Christmas gifts. I don’t want to see that vacuous bag of wind anywhere until he’s old enough to do cameos as Old Man Winter in the new Mr. Plow commercial.

Homer

Fatass!

Apparently, in spite of the fact she feels she is too good in bed to learn to cook, Kate feels she has a big, flabby butt. It must be a burden being her. Sometimes celebrities just need a giant cup of STFU.

Homer

This Things I Believe 6/11

Homer hasn’t forgotten the VanBlogger. Here are some thoughts from the last week:

1. Fascinating Fact of the Day – Amy Winehouse is only 24 years old. I’d put a picture of her up, but we need to keep crap like that off the blog. I can’t imagine the odds in Vegas against her seeing her 26th birthday. At this point the only thing she’s needs to do to hit rock bottom is to get a Tyson-esqe face tattoo. It could only help.

2. Brad Pitt = George Costanza? – Apparently so. Acting is his job, but architecture is his passion. He is allegedly going to help design a building in Europe. I hope they call it the Vandelay Building before it collapses.

3. Pamela Anderson – Is back in the news, not for accidentally killing someone with her latest set of breasts, but for selling her Viper for charity. It’s good to know what her nickname for Tommy’s junk is before she unloads it anyway.

4. Tori Spelling – Spawned again. And I keep hearing about it. I’m starting to feel like the ancient Israelites must have felt in the Old Testament. What have we done to piss you off God? Can we sacrifice a small horse, or maybe Sarah Jessica Parker to you for forgiveness? (I heard a radio guy give the news on this the other day – he said that witnesses reported that the baby has her father’s eyes and her mother’s hooves and shiny mane.)

5. Patty Kirkpatrick – Forgive me, but will someone please attach a warning to Channel 3’s HD ads featuring her and the loser who can only cover polygamists? Holy Hell, they scared the shit out of me last night as I was watching television. I keep hearing about how HD is going to drive out the remaining ugly people in local news. We’ve got some work to do here in the Valley, I’m hitting D’Amico’s place first.

6. Apparently Paul Newman is Dying – Gee, what was the first clue? The fact that he’s 83? I mean cancer sucks and all, but really, once you hit 80 if it isn’t one thing it is going to be something else. Spare me the ‘tragic’ talk here too. He’s probably still burning a cig while he’s sipping Newman’s Own juice and having money fights with Joanne Woodward. Tough life, I think I’ll spend my sympathy elsewhere.

7. Why the hell didn’t I pick Winehouse and Newman in my death pool? You hear that Goodman, you crazy doughnut eating dyke?

8. Mel Gibson – What happened? From Braveheart to Brittney mentor? Look, unless you’re calling her Sugar-tits and knocking back Mochiatos in an orgy of cream, coffee, and sugar, why would anyone want to spend more than 3 minutes talking to this girl? She’s ugly, talent-less, and stupid. She makes Jessica Simpson appear to have average intelligence. Even in disgrace and old age Mel can pull better than this Louisiana shit stain.

9. New Ideas – Are on their way to the blog. At least I think so. Check it out tomorrow.

10. Iron Man was very cool. He would have been cooler if the Sabbath song would have played continuously for the entire movie, but it was still a kick-ass movie.

Weezer - Pork And Beans

Fan damn tastic.

lolnay says: I Can Has Opinions Too?

The Happening? Yeah that movie looks freaky, but good freaky. I think I can go see it. Or maybe rent it, because I'll probably need to fast forward past the part with the old people. I hate old people. I don't know if this is a spoiler or not (sorry if it is), but I can handle extreme violence when it's not related to the Debbil. The IMDB message boards related to this movie are hilarious, as usual, by the way. According to most of the movie nerds who post there, 98% of the posters and their viewpoints are "gay". That's a lot of gay.

The Simpsons is in its 20th season. And still going. I think we can all agree, Hillary Clinton is not the only one who doesn't know how to bow out gracefully. It's time.

Bo Diddley dies. I know somehow, in some way, I'm supposed to care about this, because he's a legend or whatever, but the truth is, I really don't get why it's making news on TMZ and other gossip blogs. Unless he's boinking Katie Holmes or releasing a line of designer jeans with Heidi Montag, keep it to the AP.

Tatum O'Neal is in the news. I'm sorry, did I miss something, or are Has-Beens the new Are-Nows? What's Kristy McNichol up to these days? How about Denise Richa.... oh never mind. I give up.

This Things I Believe 6/2

I love this title, so I am going to continue to use it.

1. Scrap Gold – I have been seeing commercials for this for the past couple of years, but with the economy going in the tank and gold going through the roof, this ‘industry’ is becoming more and more visible. I don’t get it, I mean really unless you are a ghoul, raiding graves by yanking teeth of the dead and such, there is no such thing as “scrap gold.” C’mon, it’s fucking gold, by definition you don’t scrap it.

2. It’s Always Sunny in Phoenix – but it isn’t nearly as offensive or funny as Philadelphia. CB and Nay bought me the first season of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia for my birthday and quite frankly, I don’t know if I have ever seen a television show that revels in it’s offensiveness quite so much as this show. There is at least one moment of “did they really just say that?” in every episode. I was appalled, that I haven’t been watching.

3. The merciful end – of the Van Halen IV tour happens tonight. Just go away Ed, just preserve what dignity you have left (if there is any). I’m glad that I saw it, it was a fun time to go to Vegas and hang out with my friend, but Ed needs to either practice or stay holed up in his studio with a bottle of Smoking Loon.

4. The NBA Finals are set – and does anyone give a damn? I would care more if the Suns were in the finals, but really I guess I’m that out of touch with the sporting world because if they told me they would have to cancel the finals because of another crooked ref, I wouldn’t even blink an eye.

5. Do the Suns have a coach yet? – I am more than willing to throw my hat into the ring. I would bring a defensive approach (Tarkanian’s “Amoeba” Defense is amazing) and would fire Doris Meow. If nothing eles, I can cash the hell out of those checks, making me just as effective as Shaq at this point.