This Things I Believe

1. Memorial Day – Has always been one of my favorite holidays. It kicks off the summer, but it also is a reminder for us all to remember those who have made our lazy, narcissitic society to be as lazy and self-involved as we want to be.

2. “Ewan McGregor Will Not Do ‘Porno’” – Was the headline on AZCentral earlier this week. I could only imagine Nay jumping off of a cliff. Sorry Nay.

3. Lindsay Lohan is Gay – Wow, what a shocker. What was the first clue? Oh yeah, those pictures of her kissing a really ugly girl. I don’t understand lesbians. I mean I get the attraction to the female form, but why do they always date chicks that look like dudes? I mean if I were gay, I’d want to date a good looking dude, of course then people would talk about him and his questionable taste in men, creating a vicious circle of hate, prompting some lame blog post.

4. Bill Murray – is a wife-beating alcoholic. Will the shocks never cease? I’m just curious as to why there aren’t provisions in celebrity pre-nups prohibiting the airing of dirty laundry lest there be no financial settlement. That would make sense, or at least more sense than Bill Murray being on the news in 2008. I know we'll hear about Bill's upcoming stint in rehab until I'm ready to feed him to a gopher, so I'll say it in advance: Go back to hell Bill Murray.

5. Finally, Wednesday was the 10th anniversary of the the tragic shooting death of Phil Hartman. What a waste, I had a whole rant prepared to discuss the petty whore who killed him, but I’ll let it go. RIP Mr. Hartman.

Homer