Please God....

Make it fucking stop. Seriously, just make her go away. I'll go to church more diligently; I'll stop swearing and burning Paris Hilton in effigy. Whatever it takes.


Outside of a bunch of homosexual males with mommy issues, who cares about Madonna anymore? And no one, not even her husband wants to see that snatch again. There was a time, what about 25 years ago now, where she was considered controversial, relevant and kinda sexy (in a dirty $5 whore kinda way). Ever since she's been chasing publicity like Brittney Spears rooting around her car for stray Cheetos.

It is bad enough that this haggard skank infects the world with her musical product, we need our vision polluted with the album art as well? If you look closely, you can see the reinforcement needed to keep her junk under control. As disgusting as this picture is, just imagine it without the magic of the Photoshop wizards. Just imagining it makes my genitals angry with me.

Ugh, I've got to find some sites with Kate Beckinsale pictures or something; purge the optic nerves.

Homer

PS - This was originally posted on my other blog, but it felt VanBlogger worthy.

Was Freddy Gay? -VG

the best -vg

A Tribute to Breasts

You all know I don't have a problem with breastfeeding. You do what you have to do to avoid the cost of formula, and I'll even admit that breastfeeding is a bonding experience between mother and child that is difficult to match. It isn't an easy thing to do, but I felt it was worth the time to learn, and I'm glad I kept at it.

That being said, this video made me want to vomit. I know, I know. Breastfeeding is normal and natural, and maybe I need to grow up, blah blah blah, but this was just weird. Let's just say, I'll be damned if I let CB take a vacation picture with Little H hanging on my boob as we overlook the Grand Canyon.

And the one where the kid (not baby, KID) is just sort of lipping the boob as she sits at the computer keyboard?? Weird. Weird. Weird.

Hey look, we're at the zoo, and we're behaving just like those monkeys who have no sense of modesty or decency. Pin a rose on my nipple.

My favorite part might be the Alien Baby wearing the shirt that says "Formula is for Pussies". So THAT'S what I'm supposed to do with all these free samples of Infamil?! I was wondering how I'd combat the vaginal dryness that comes postpartum. Thanks for the advice, ugly infant.

Congratulations Boob Advocate. You're giving your baby the gift of health. And the gift of getting your son's butt kicked daily when he hits junior high and someone in his grade finds this video posted for all the world to see. What a fabu mom. I just hope all that extra DHA and ARA you gave your kid when he was 4 helps to cushion his brain when he's bombarded with relentless teasing from his peers because mom decided to show everyone how much her litte boy likes to suck on teet while sitting on the train.

Get a Hooter Hider. It works just as well whether you're in national parks, at the park, in the waiting room, on a train, in the rain, in a house, with a mouse, in box, or with a fox. Just cover up a little. I promise your boobs produce just as much choline when they aren't on public display.

P.S. This video is probably NSFW, but I bet you could get someone from La Leche League to argue your job back if you need them to.

Hey Bond - STFU!!

So I'm minding my own business the other day, just reading the news on azcentral.com when I come across this horrifying headline:

Daniel Craig wants to record Bond theme

Talk about horrifying. Look, hasn't William Shanter taught us enough about the pain associated with actors trying to sing? Does this scenario ever end well? I applaud Daniel Craig and his efforts to resurrect the Bond franchise from stupid film-makers, but someone needs to remind Daniel that his strength is in looking good and letting bad guys rack him in the nads, leave the singing to the professionals. Like Britney Spears. Wait, nevermind Mr. Craig, I take it all back.

Homer

Damn bro, mix in some fiber

Here is a fun video. The guy looks like he needs to take a crap that will literally kill him, but he is bringing the classical pain. A strange and humbling video from a musical perspective.

Homer

radicool

i found it, cb

Comedy Gold!

Replay video | Share video | Watch more videos

I know this is a bad copy, but watch the whole thing, you won't be disappointed. Jean Claude Van Damme is my hero. Or maybe not.

Homer

Thank *ME* Later

I know it's not a contest, but here is some great fun, from William Shanter's new album, with Henry Rollins. Enjoy!!!

Homer

you can all thank me later -VG

Great Story - WWII Content

I'm not saying a word today about the Mildcats finishing in seventh place in the pac-10. No today's first post is about a great story I read and wanted to share. No snarkyness, just a dude getting shot down.

Read the story here.

Okay, back to the bitchiness.

Homer

this made me sick

more wow

how do you figure this out?

whoa

Indians. What the hell. And this guys dancing. What the hell. It's worth it to let it buffer by pressing pause for a minute and then play it. wow.