Friends of Satan

In honor of Halloween, I would like to make this week's culture "People Who Have Obviously Made a Deal With the Devil". I don't necessarily have a favorite Satan Worshipper, but some fun ones are Dick Clark, Ryan Seacrest, and that lady on The View who thinks she's funny.

Have at it.

-=Nay

(*Picture intentionally omitted, because I get scared looking in the eyes of people with no soul)

Something for Uncle Jack -VG

Nothing but Class, Baby!

I know that this man is very ethnic, so it hardly qualifies as White Trash, but damnit, this is a perfect example the behavior. I could totally see Kid Rock doing this (actually that could be actual Pam-size). Don't watch this around the kids.

Homer

White Trash

It isn't that I don't love the culture chosen this week by Homer. It's just that I can't quite put my finger on what white trash actually is to me. Sometimes I think "Walmart, just go with Walmart", but then I realize there's so much more to it than that. Besides, sometimes I kind of like Walmart, you know, cos it's cheap, and they have those White Cloud diapers with John Lennon animals on them. And I'm not White Trash. (shut up, I'm not).

So then I think it's like, being super unaware of how gross you look. But I know just as many latinas and black women who wear spandex pants and oversized t-shirts with pink leopards on them. And Joy from My Name is Earl fame is SO White Trash, but she's not wearing gray sweatpants and sparkly silver Crocs. And contrarily-wise, I know plenty of men who wear AC/DC shirts and flannel and we all remember the Trucker Hat Phenomenon, and those guys aren't white trash. So, it can't totally be based on fashion.

So maybe, I'm thinking, it's how one behaves. Like seeing your big boobs and thinking, "I should be smashing beer cans with these things". Or yelling at your kids in the middle of the grocery store because they're opening beer bottles with their teeth and you haven't even paid for them yet, damnit. But we used to do some pretty uncouth things as kids, like when my sisters dug a hole in our backyard and filled it with water, and creating our very own "pool". And we weren't White Trash. (seriously, shut up).

So is White Trash The Bundy's or The Clampett's? Is it Larry the Cable Guy or is it Marshall Mathers? Britney Spears or The-Lady-Diane-Works-With?

I guess White Trashiness is a state of being not unlike pornography. You can't define it, but you know it when you see it.

-=Nay

Cultural Awareness Month (continued)

Since the "Asian" post kind of fizzled, I thought I would salute the most ignored of all cultures: White Trash Culture. I could have posted up pictures of Jamie Pressley, and been done with it, but I saw this clip and found that the white trash culture is invading America and cannot be stopped. This is just a little slice, I want some prime examples this week. Enjoy the video.

Homer

For CB, with love from VG

Cultural Awareness Month Continues (Barely)

Since Selma (Salma??) looked creepy in that last post, I figured it was time to introduce this week's Culture To Be Aware Of. And in honor of K-Rock going to the Philippines next week, I thought that would make a great culture to highlight.

....Except that I can't think of one Filipino worth talking about. I mean, sure we all have a friend or two who is maybe, like half, and that's kind of fun for them, but really, who? Who??? So I googled, and yahooed, and even wikipediad, and although there are some very pretty Filipinas out there, not one of them deserves mention. So I'm going to have to widen the culture spectrum a little.

Basically, we're talking 'bout any "Asians" who come from places the real Asians (Chinese and Japanese mostly) would much rather forget about. One of them Goodwill countries that even the Peace Corps is kind of like, "eh" about. Laos. Cambodia. Vietnam. Nepal? I'm not good with geography, but you kind of get the point. I'm not sure if we should count India or not, because I think we'd just end up arguing if Mindy Kaling is funnier than Apu (she is).

So have fun with this one. I doubt this will be a very active week, since I'm seriously having a hard time coming up with anyone other than Maddox Jolie. He's a cute kid though, so it'll do for now.

Go D-backs!

So to get us back to talking about Mexican culture, what is everyone's favorite burrito? Mine has to be the barbacoa fajita burrito at Chipotle. Rice, peppers, onions, and spicy shredded beef. It is delicious. Speaking of delicious, here's another picture of Salma to brighten up your Sunday.


Homer

A good point

With all the crazy press brought to us from the basball "insiders" this week on how the Dbacks didn't belong in the post season, a breathe of fresh air and realism has been offered from Mike Bauman. The link is well worth a read.

http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article_perspectives.jsp?ymd=20071006&content_id=2253750&vkey=perspectives&fext=.jsp

=VG

Someone has too much time on their hands

A must see. You must read the comments throughout. Hilarious. -themo

WOW!!

What's Your Problem?

Would you shut up? I'm just trying to eat my fish.

I love love love this video. It's from Public Access television (probably the early 90's). I first saw it on Joe Mathlete's Great American Blog, which some of you are already aware of, but many of you still are not. I figured this was the best way to introduce to you the gems you will find there.

Either way, I've now found the ultimate comeback to anyone who asks me what my problem is. I figured all of you should see this now so you'll maybe get the reference when I say it aloud someday.

-=Nay

Owned

I watched one season of Survivor and this douche bag was on it that season. I remeber wanting and hoping someone would kick his ass everytime he did that little "fair play" bit. Looks like I got my wish. -VG

Across the Universe Trailer 2 (I've Just Seen A Face)

So here's a trailer for Across the Universe. It's got the best song from the movie, as well as two seconds of the Nurse scene we've talked so much about. Basically, it's Salma x 5 and she looks hot. I'd post a review of the entire film if I thought anyone besides CB was halfway interested. As it is, this should be enough.

Viva Mexico!

There are many great things to come from Mexico: Churros, burritos, Speedy Gonzalez, and the lovely people who make it possible to eat cheap grapes and lettuce year-round. But when Nay encouraged us to post culturally relevant Mexican topics, you just had to know I was going here. Bless you Salma, for representing Mexicans in such an exemplary fashion.

Homer

Cultural Awareness Week Begins!! Today: Mexican Sunday

In order to jumpstart this old thing, I propose a Week O' Culturally Diverse Fun (see, I'm already getting in the spirit with a nod to the Irish). Every day this week I will post the culture of my choosing, and then we will all post who is our favorite representative of that culture. It's easy. For example if I were to choose Irish Sunday, I would then post my favorite Irish person (Conan O'Brien) and explain what makes him the most awesome Irish person. Then TheMo would reply or post with, let's say Kathy Griffin and explain her reasons, and CB would say Bono and we'd all make fun of him, and everyone else puts in their two cents and fun is had trying to pinpoint who we like most in hard to-like-cultures (kidding Bono. Just kidding).

I choose to go with MEXICAN first, because it's so easy to forget the truly awesome Mexicans when people like Carlos Mencia are out there trying to represent (and as we all know now, he's Honduran, so that just makes him an ass). Also, I'd like to prove that I do not forsake this part of my culture in anyway whatsoever. How could I when we've got someone like this rad to speak for us:



Señor Ritchie not only brought light brown to rock n roll in the late fifties, he brought it hard. One viewing of La Bamba (starring the mutli-ethnic Lou Diamond Phillips) and you will agree, Mexicans are cool. Cool enough to die alongside Buddy Holly, and cool enough to get a bunch of gringos to sing wedding ballads from a country they thought they despised. Ritchie Valens, you deserve a chimichanga and a hug.

The Office Season 3 Bloopers (Part 2)

there's a little overlap, but worth watching...

K-Rock

Season 3 Office Bloopers

A new batch!

K-Rock

MENDOZAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

I love this. I would have paid $7.50 to see this, but I still haven't seen the Simpson movie, what does that tell you?

Enjoy!

Homer

Something to chew on...

the VG has been looking for a new band and he has recently been impressed by Brandi Carlile. Solid music comp and crazy vocals. What say ye?

Happy B-day VG!

For your birthday, I made the sacrifice to find a good video for you. I tried Ernie Tubbs, but the VanBlogger has enough of that crap on it, so Shakira it is.

Enjoy!

Homer

Bitch, please!

Ok, we all loved the tirade begging us to just leave Brit Brit alone...this one cracks me up even more. If you have a good hour to kill, search this freak on youtube.

One-Man-Band Japanese Hotel California

The 2007 Nobel Prize goes to....

These guys. I bow to them, I know what themo is getting from Santa, (other than a good caning). Check out their website, BaconSalt.com

Homer

I don't what's more amazing...

Chet Atkins playing the guitar or the fag playing the harmonica, the Liberache of the mouth harp. Make sure you watch it all so you get some hand killer hand drumming.

What are you doing Saturday night?

...oh I'm going to see this band tear the music business a new corn hole.

Yay!!!

I love this stuff. People who do this stuff are too clever for me.

Homer

I love it

I'm sure you've all seen this by now, but everyone should watch it at least 3 times in their life. I thought it was a chick at first. Wow.

It's been a couple of days since we last had a black face sighting...

Sarah is Magic

I want to use this week’s rant to proclaim my love for Sarah Silverman. I hope themo understands. Sarah seems to be convinced that her gig as “awards show host” means “treat celebrities like that dude who got horse-raped to death.” She allegedly even provoked Brittney Spears’ latest and greatest video debacle. Apparently Brittney overheard Silverman practicing her joke basically calling Brittney’s kids two really cute mistakes. It was a nice joke, but nothing like the Paris Hilton that Silverman took earlier this year. I don’t believe Spears is coherent enough to process any thought other than the vague idea that she needs more Cheetoes. I’m pretty sure you could walk up to Brittney at this point and light her hair extensions on fire and she would need to hear about it through her publicist before she became aware of it.

But I love the fact that Silverman was delivering jokes into a vacuum. Sarah was putting it to the “stars” that were in attendance in her monologue, but other than laughing at Brittney and Paris (who only seem to exist to mock and deride), they didn’t seem to enjoy being the butt of a joke. The problem is they don’t realize that they are all jokes; studio creations who exist merely to sell some producer’s sonic abortion. And before you jump in with “you don’t get it because you’re old,” this has been the case for decades and it will continue to be the case as long as there are record companies and producers who can exploit some “artist” who dropped out of high school to become a star.

These people live lives that are so artificial that they begin to believe it’s all real. It is like The Truman Show, but instead of living in a bubble, these divas are vaguely aware of the fact that there are other people out there, but to them we all exist to celebrate their coolness. My love for Sarah has to do with the fact that she is willing to get up in front of these pampered mouth-breathers and call them on it. It is like she is pulling back the curtain and showing us all that the bitchin' façade that the music industry is selling us is really just a bunch of talent-deficient douche-bags waiting for someone to give them a gift bag and some groupies. Maybe we need another turf-war to thin the herd a bit, only this time Kanye and Justin can kick each other in the pussy until the other quits crying.

Homer

Gud Lawd! I can't wait!!!

Fall is here and once again hope springs eternal. The Cards take on the Niners tonight on MNF. I fully understand that I will once again have my heart torn from my chest and stomped on the ground by a week line backer core and a o-line that resembles the IHS front four before week 3. However, I will be there and I'll will invoke Moroni's promise with hopes of a winning season and dare I say a possible playoff birth... "and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest...it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.". I believe Cards, I believe! -VG

Love it.

Love it so much.

Only Wal*Mart

A Detective posing as a 15 year old girl busted a man trying to lure "her" back to Nevada. The fun twist to this story is that the man and his wife made a video to show the girl that introduced her to her new family. The wife was in on the scheme to bring a 15 year old in to the family. Why? I'll let the article explain:

"In the video, Jennifer Evans said that she would not mind sharing her husband with the girl, and said that part of the reason was because she worked about 70 hours a week at a local Wal-Mart and was unable to satisfy her husband's "strong sexual appetite."

Awesome. And don't you feel silly for thinking Wal*Mart was filled with classy folks?

Holy Crap

I honestly would rather die.
CB

**Speechless**

Homer

Have you ever wanted kill somebody?

watch this for the whole two minutes and you will want to take a baseball bat to Jerry Lewis head. -VG

Caption Contest!

Winner gets a free beverage at the AD party in a couple of weeks. Let me ruminate on this before I offer my suggestion.

Homer

New Spread Offense at U of A

So the Wildcats of the University of Arizona installed a new "spread" offensive scheme in their football program. Good for them, I'm assuming that the term "spread" means they are just going to lie back and take it like Bobby Knight suggested. One first half first down? Sad. Just think UA, it's only a few months until basketball season.

Homer

Rant of the Week

Since themo requested some new content, I thought that I'd start a semi-regular concept, the Rant of the Week. This week's rant has to do with sports, because football season is beginning. The beauty of sports is the fact that anything can happen, well that's true in most sports, just not college football. Division One college football is nearly as rigged as the WWE. We have a preseason poll that determines if a college is going to be in consideration for the national championship. Boise State last year is a great example; they beat everyone they played, including a pretty good Oklahoma team in the Fiesta Bowl, but did they warrant any real consideration as the national champion? Nope.

I've got two words for the NCAA presidents who whore their product out for bowl millions: Appalachian State. Their defeat of a seriously over-rated Michigan team just proves that the preseason poll is as worthless as Brittany Spears comeback disc. Hopefully someday we'll be able to see a champion crowned on the field of play in D-I football (just like all of the other divisions), and see less of Brittney's flabby ass when she forgets to wear pants.

Oh yeah, two more words for NCAA presidents and Brittney: Suck it.

Homer

I've found something to replace my fear of midgets

I submit, for The 2007-2008 VanBlogger Awards, this video for Hella Creepiest.

-=Nay

Mr Show - The Pre-Natal Pageant

Maybe Miss Teen South Carolina didn't start early enough.

U.S. Americans and The Iraq

She's doing this for the scholarship, right? She's heard that there's an opening at Bright Horizon's Daycare.

K-Rock

As promised...

Is he in on the joke?

Don't be tempted to stop watching...you have to watch the whole song. It gets progressively more dramatic and crappy. It really makes me wonder if he is just f'ing with us.

Let's DAAAAAAAAAANCE!

So word on the street is that "they're" working on remaking footloose and casting Zac Efron as Ren. Before you get too pumped up about this, think about the times we're in. The music of Footloose represented the pop music of the time. Probably a huge reason it was so successful. The pop music of today (Fall Out Boy) will not work with the movie. They'll either have to use
A) The same songwriters they use for High School Musical
B) The same music from footloose and make it a campy 80's throwback
C) Or they'll have to change the setting altogether.

Either way. Crap. Thoughts?

Classic!

how about these pants?

I think I'll have a starburst.

does this jumper make me look fat?

I know most of you are going to hate me for posting this...

and Care Bear is going to lament the greatness of Hank and Honkey Tonk, but Bob Wills is still the king!You have got to admit that the Texas Playboys were kick ass! -VG

Midget Cure

Much to Nay's dismay the Nazi's eugenics programs failed to clean the world of those pesky midgets. Look at this picture and the translation. Wow.



"This person suffering from hereditary defects costs the community 60,000 Reichsmark during his lifetime. Fellow German, that is your money, too."

However, not too long ago, Homer made this comment:

Homer said...
Nay will be excited to know that there is a cure to being a midget (although there always has been one and it has to do with some bandsaws, 2x4s, and nails), but I'll have to try it to believe it.
6:02 AM, August 14, 2007

It reminded me of something I saw on TV. I couldn't find the kid I saw the program on, but I did find this story. Enjoy! Think of it... no more midgets. Now if we could only do something about those damned American Indians...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4242093/

A Busboy in the Restaurant of Life

You all know I have crazy fears. LPs, scary eyes, driving at night, skinwalkers, little girls with unnaturally long hair... But the root of all these fears is Death. Death by Little Person, Death by Skinwalker, Death by long-haired, scary-eyed girl etc. I can't even IMAGINE how I'd react to a prank like this being pulled on me. I'm pretty sure I'd take my ICEE and Doritos and run like hell, but it's probably even more likely I'd just pee my pants and cry.

-=Nay

Crazy Asians!

I can't fathom how long this took to figure out, let alone perform. Apparently there isn't much to do in Tokyo when Godzilla isn't smashing it.

Homer

"F" The Napkin!

Just for fun, to always remind us of those ancient mystics. Remember, their messages are hewn into that living rock.

Homer

Greg Giraldo-Roast of Flava Flav (Uncensored)

This one beats Kimmel, in my opinion....I'll try to fin Lisa's and add it, too...

I tivo'd this and it was hi-larious.

K-Rock

1983 All-Star Game - National League Lineup

Liam thinks Uncle Care Bear looks like Glen Hubbard. This is when baseball still kicked ass. The AL was the NL's bitch forever! -VG

Flava is the Reason George Bush Hates Black People

If you haven't seen this, make sure you are around people who can appreciate ass-kicking comedy. Jimmy Kimmel shows some serious sack, I'd say he could even be a VanBlogger. Enjoy the clip.

Homer

Edit: I fixed the link, hopefully it stays up for a while.

A Big Middle Finger

Should be extended to these two tools. I am so disgusted with the actions and antics of these a-holes that it is difficult to discuss rationally. They actually photoshopped Wolfgang Van Halen into the cover art of the first Van Halen album on their website. Themo has always wanted a husband who didn't obsess over Van Halen, well she has her wish. They can go straight to hell.

Homer

Bran Halen

Van Halen made the news today. Oh boy. It made me feel for Homer because I think most of us think of him whenever we see Van Halen news. It reminds me of how glad I am that the Beatles called it quits and, for the most part, didn't fall in to the "reunion" trap. Below you will see a picture of the Beatles at one of their last photo sessions. Look at those fellas!

Now look at this recent picture of the new and "improved" Van Halen.

Now normally, whenever a Rolling Stones fan would find out I was a Beatles fan they start an argument of why the Stones are so much better. It's a pointless argument, because what does it matter and how would you ever measure that? Anyway, The argument usually comes to this: "Look at the Stones. They're still touring!" That's usually where I lose it. That's a lot like this. So what if Van Halen is hitting the road? Talk about a train wreck. I think the Van Halen of 1978 would cringe to hear or see what's going on now. What's worse, the fans are cringing. So with that, I offer you my condolences, Homer. Take solace in the words of John Lennon...

"We were just a rock band. You have all the old records if you want to reminisce."

Thought you might like to know...

In a cool, tasty beverage challenge Arizona Grapeade would kick Diet Cokes ass.

National Anthem meets Sexual Healing

Very strange - VG

Go See This Movie

I had read some great reviews, so we went and saw this last night. I doubt it will do well at the box office, but I think it will steadily build through word of mouth. Reviews called it "Shrek for adults" and "a new Princess Bride". Don't expect Princess Bride (we all love that movie and nothing will compare), but it is very good - creative, funny, original, witty, etc. GO SEE IT, you won't regret it!

When and where will...

the VanBlogger screening of this movie take place? Do not watch this around kids! Consider yourself warned.

Homer

If you don't know you had better axe somebody!!

-Bro. Boggs

Man with Tail !!!

This is weird enough to make you want to die. I'm sorry. I saw it and I don't want to be alone.

Excuse my beauty!

Kind of a funny COPS moment. Some good ol' one-liners.

Themo's Christmas Gift 2007

Themo and I were watching this here interweb and found this. Enjoy!

Homer

A thought from VG

Homer's new ringtone.

Great Video. Mother Nature kicks ass. This is real rock and roll.

A tribute...

I fully understand that I'm in the minority here when I say that Mr. Bean is hilarious. So, with that in mind, I propose the following.

Finish these sentences: To much Mr. Bean is like...

If I had a dollar for every time Mr. Bean...

I would like to see Mr. Bean....

God bless Mr. Bean because...

From the one and only Vanilla Gorilla

A little bit of English Humor

There are dozens to choose from. I pick this one for the relatable subject matter, and the booger joke.

beastie boys/elvis costello

This may be only cool to me and VG... but it's still outrageously bad ass. Admit it.

The King of Cool

Granted the VG's circumcism was still healing in December of '77 when this went down but I happy to pledge my support for EC. I can't imagine following music in the late 70's and having to choose bewteen Captain and Tineal and John Denver tunes.

A little bit of english hummer

I through this was clover.

Bandwagon Jump!

This is everywhere I know, but damn, it sure is fun to laugh at the poor sap who experienced this. Bonus points for including the douche bags in the audience taking their shirts off and going crazy.

Homer

You have to watch this to the end!

-VG

Anchors Away

Apparently, Homer is not so much a fan of Rick D'Amico. This is not surprising, considering Homer's distate for the Christmas Fox 10 jingles. And when I say distaste, I mean that it's obvious that he requires a great deal of restraint to not throw his Diet Coke at his bigscreen when "Sleigh Bells Ring..." starts up. I think the only thing that stops him is his love for Diet Coke.

So I guess we know who would be in Homer's Psuedo-Celebrity Helicopter Crash (new game!!). Who is in yours??

My vote, by the way goes all the way to the Kirkpatrick herself. It'd be rad if she'd have to share her death with Beverly though. That would piss her off SO bad...

-=Nay

P.S. Nobody said the VanBlogger was in good taste. If you think this is a new low, you should have seen the post I almost put up a week ago.

Daily Motivation

Just 'cause...

"Whenever I get dumped (by a girlfriend), I nail the door shut so that no one can come inside, get a towel and clip it around my neck so it's like a Superman cape, take off my shoes so I can slide across the room, and...get a fake mic, like a celery stick or a pen, and I play any record that features the vocalist Ronnie James Dio. And you can just pretend you're Dio, because on every album he does, he has minimum one, usually three, *EVIL WOMAN LOOK OUT!*- songs."

"The ones who don't do anything are always the ones who try to pull you down."

"When you start to doubt yourself the real world will eat you alive."

"I don't want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride."

"If you hate your parents, the man, or the establishment, don't show them up by getting wasted and wrapping your car around a tree. If you really want to rebel against your parents: outearn them, outlive them, and know more than they do."

"Want a good body? Work at it. Want to be a success? Work at it. Want to be truly exceptional? Be a touch insane... You need a little bit of insanity to do great things."

Beginner's Luck

I posted this on my own blog, but since no one ever visits there, here it is. I thought that VG might get a kick out of it.

Homer

Apologies to CB

Care Bear has been doing a wonderful job elevating the level of discourse on this blog and I'm about to kill it, so I apologize in advance. I saw this picture this morning and I had to ask a question regarding tattoos, since I don't have any. Aren't your tattoos supposed to mean something? When I saw pictures of these two Mensa members, all I could guess is that Megan Fox (real name??? I'm skeptical despite what IMDB says) uses the Marilyn tattoo to remind her that she is pretty and Brian Green's tattoos remind him that he thought he was going to be a hip-hop star. As if the hip-hop community would allow a white talentless hack into their ranks. Or maybe his tattoos are supposed to represent the time at the Peach Pit, or whatever the hell the name of that place was, when he got cockblocked by a horse-faced nag, as if he'd ever live that down.

I hope for their sakes there is a tattoo parlor for really stupid actors (which could be one of the more redundant concepts I've ever written about) so these two wouldn't have to go sit next to real bikers and musicians to get their ink. I can only imagine the scorn and derision these two are going to face when their careers die (well, actually his is already dead, he's obviously already taking to hanging out in bus terminals with a business card and head shots, kinda like a Ron Jeremy).

On the positive side, maybe he can continue to cast his Jedi-mind trick on Ms. Fox with his quality pine box trade that he is clearly apprenticing in currently. Just a few more tries and he will be able to make a real squared-off end.

Homer

Just a quick thought

So Phoenix police chief Jack Harris says that the dude driving the truck in this afternoon's car chase/helicopter ratings phenomenon will likely face charges for his part in the deaths of the 4 journalists. What? That makes as much sense as entering themo in to a spelling bee. Obviously, I don't condone stealing cars and high speed chases, but there is no way this guy should be held responsible for those people dying. When I first heard it, I thought it was just an offhand comment by a reporter caught up in the moment. But then I realized something the more I heard people say it. But here me out on this...

A pickup truck barreling through cars has nothing to do with pilots running in to other things/each other. So why blame the guy in the pickup truck? The only argument I can see them having is "If he wasn't speeding around the city, those copters wouldn't have had to cover it and they'd be safe at home right now". GAY. TRY AGAIN. With that logic I see the Phoenix Police department or the local news media as having more blame on their shoulders.

1) The police should have called off the pursuit in accordance to department policy, but failed to do so. No police chase, no need for media coverage.
2) The media will gladly let pickup joe be the fallguy. It's easier to blame him than to take a serious look at why care chases receive that much media attention.

Unfortunately, the only people to blame would be the pilots. But damnit that just doesn't quench my thirst for good old-fashioned American vengeance. It's sad that those guys had to go out like that, but that driver had nothing to do with that crash and prosecuting him for those deaths is 100% wrong.

Here you go CB

Just to fuel the "Phoenix Suns got screwed!" flames.

Homer

Wow

I don't really know why I took so long to post this crapfest here. It has all of the hallmarks of a Vanblogger extravaganza - celebrity douchebaggery, embarrassing performances, and unintentional comedy of the highest order. It's been several months and I'm still speechless after seeing it. Enjoy, if you can keep from gouging your eyes out or puncturing your own eardrums after experiencing the "singer."

Homer

The Care Bear strikes again

In today's AZCentral/AZ Republic/Whatever, Bob Young brings up the Suns vs Spurs series with regards to the Donaghy gambling scandal. In particular, Game 3. It's not that I don't agree with Mr. Young. In fact, I think he's on to something. By "something" I mean, "barely anything worth mentioning". What does it matter? The Suns had their chance. Officiating can carry a game, especially those in question. But the Suns blew the chances given to them. My Christmas wish is that Phoenix moves on. My fear is that 10-20 years down the road people will talk about '07 as the one that got away. That's Poopy McPooperstain. Sack up and blow it out of the water next year.

The Care Bear Thinks Out Loud

1) "Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly". This is total bullshit. A guardian angel can go as fast as they want to. Does your guardian angel not guard you when you fly? Are you driving faster than a plane? Couldn't your guardian angel be IN the car with you? This bumper sticker is bullshit city.

2) If I were a prostitute making a resume, I'd title my previous work experience as "Genital Contractor". That way, people wouldn't be immediately turned off by the prospect of hiring a whore.

My guitar is crying because I cannot play it that well...

I'm not sure how I feel about what Paul Gilbert does to this song. He is a Beatles fan, so it was intended as an homage. I think overall, he is about as tasteless as possible, in a good way. I apologize to CB in advance.

Homer

Dora Vs Wipe Me Down

The first20 seconds is slow, but it's worth it. You might even hear Dora say "Pussy Niggas".

Look Out Cujo!

All I know is that if I saw this walking down the street, I'd be looking for four dudes riding horses and looking out for plagues and stuff. This is supposed to be a real dog, with some kind of genetic defect. One that makes him all badass! K-Rock, this should be your next dog.

Homer

Fan Catches A Baseball 454 Games In A Row

I want to punch this guy in the face. VG

Ever what happened to Steve Bartman after he caught that foul ball?

This must have been pretty damn scary. VG

I love Japan! -VG

Video of the Year

I didn't want to nominate something that I posted, unless it was disgusting, but this video was so good VG posted it again just so we wouldn't forget. I call that Video of the Year damnit!

Homer

"Triple T is a hitter, not a quitter"

Truer words have never been spoken. I love this clip, it absolutely destroys ESPN on a satirical level, especially if you've seen their "Who is Now?" crap they have been pimping. The thought that they would honor an office athlete isn't far from the truth. And seeing Terry in whiteface is worth the click on it's own. Enjoy!

Homer

Glirk

You're either going to love this or hate it. As for me and my house, we will love it.

Terry Tate Goes on Vacation

Everyone's favorite office linebacker goes on vacation, relaxes a little.

Homer

The Pain Train is Coming...

Just a little something to tide you over until I get the Terry Tate Vacation film up. Enjoy this little trip down memory lane.

Homer

I love a good throwdown

I love passion in writing. There is a level of craftsmanship that is required to accurately convey passion that is difficult to achieve. This is why teachers always try to get students to avoid controversial topics, because their emotion overcomes their reason. But when it's done right it is good fun. The movie Captivity opens this week and Pajiba reviews it here.

I'd post parts of it, but it is such a scathing piece of vitriol, it needs to be read in it's entirety. Enjoy the hate, the film-makers of Captivity seem to have earned it.

Homer

And MY nominees are... (by themo)

1. Most original: "Let's set the record straight" by Care Bear 2/13/07. Care Bear's talks about taking a leak at work and holding his "warm junk"

2. Lamest: Disney Fireworks 11/17/06. The only thing worse than sitting in 110 degree heat and watching fireworks is watching 17 minutes of fireworks on the internet. Sorry Nay.

3. Most Disgusting: Tie between "Apache Kills in Iraq" 12/30/06 and "Ouch" (the burnt penis) 1/1/07. I think I declared my disgust on the kill in Iraq at the time of the post, and I think the penis post doesn't need an explanation.

4. Raunchiest Celebrity Post: "What's the Over Under" 2/19/07 Homer let's loose on Ray Jay and Witney and the role feces will play in their love-making. Sick.

5. Best Video: "Jesco White on Sloppy Eggs" 12/14/06 It makes me crack up, but at the same time it's real. Scary. Great clip.

6. Best Photo: Steve Irwin photo shopped in Happy Gilmore clip 9/6/06. Genius.

7. Best Post: "10 Things I Hate About Commandments" 12/6/06 This wins solely based on the amount of comments it provoked (17). We even got a crazy Born Again calling us all to repentance. It that's not what this blog is all about, I don't know what is.

8. Gayest: Any of the Aziz posts.

9. Best Headline: "I knew it was a bad idea to taunt the nerds" 1/2/07

I Saw Some Funny Pictures...

And thought I'd share. I love the first and last one, for very different reasons of course. The first one's for themo:







And my personal favorite:

Year in Review

Can you believe it? We will be celebrating one year of Vanblogger excellence come July 31st! In honor of the Vanblogger's first birthday we will be holding the fist annual Vanbloggies. The categories are as follows...

1. Most original post.

2. Lamest post.

3. Most disgusting post.

4. Raunchiest celeb related post.

5. Best video.

6. Best photo.

7. Best post of the year.

Tell the Vanblogger who deserves such lauded praise.

Moving Sharon

Every time I clicked on thevanblogger I had to see that hideous picture. I knew I had to find something, so here is some fun, when I saw it I could only think that VG would love it.



Enjoy!

Homer